One Last Memory
by Hermione's Shadow
Summary: "The truth is, I never really saw Tim dying of old age." "That's the difference between us. I remember when the only ending I saw for Tim was old age." That image would remain, a picture burned into his memory as long as he lived. The one last happy memory before his family was shattered and ripped from his life; a memory from an entirely different life, a lifetime ago.
1. Chapter 1

Prologue

A/N: So I had the idea for this story probably close to a year and a half ago, long before the this season finale. However, this season finale kicked my butt into gear and got me back to work on this. I want to have this finished by the time the next season premieres, however if I don't, any similarities will be purely coincidental. Just a warning, this is not going to be a happy, fluffy story. There are going to be several character deaths, so if that isn't your cup of tea, you may want to skip this one. Please take the time to review and let me know how I'm doing.

NCIS * NCIS * NCIS

McGee checked his clip as he ducked behind a crate. 'Great,' he thought, 'two bullets left.' He took a deep breath as he thought of the events that led him here. It was supposed to be simple. He and his team were just going to re-canvas the crime scene and attempt to locate the missing weapon. It appeared however, that the suspects had the same idea. Now they were in a standoff with two shooters and no back up. Their vests and additional weapons were in the trunk of the agency car and they had no way of getting to them. He had a general idea of where at least one of the shooters was. He attempted to look above the crate to get an accurate fix only to duck back down and swear under his breath as a bullet whizzed over his head.

'Okay, scratch that idea,' he thought. What he needed was a way to distract the shooter. He was just contemplating trying to run to the stack of crates about ten feet to the right when he saw his partner move quietly in position behind a stack of wood to the left of him and judging by the fact that the shooter didn't fire, he hadn't seen her. Immediately a plan formed in his head. Careful to remain covered, he signaled for her to knock the top piece of wood off the stack in order to create a diversion. He knew he would only have a second to locate the shooter and fire, but that was all he needed.

Using his fingers, he counted down from three and the second she pushed he stood up and fired twice. He sighed in relief as the shooter fell to the ground before cautiously running over and kicking away the gun. Aware that there was still a second shooter he looked around once more before quickly checking the man's pulse.

"Dead," he said standing up as his partner came over.

"Are you alright McGee?" she asked.

"Fine, do you have an extra clip," he asked showing her his empty one.

"Yes," she said reaching into her pocket and pulling one out.

"Thanks," he said reaching for it. "Where's D..." he never finished his sentence though. All he saw was the gleam of the gun and he knew he didn't have time to shove the clip in his gun and aim so instead he pushed his partner out of the way and attempted to shield her body with his. As McGee fell to the floor all he could think was the pain in his chest wasn't nearly as bad as the last time he got shot.

His partner had her gun drawn before McGee hit the floor but as she was about to pull the trigger two more shots rang out and she watched as the shooter fell to the floor dead, their other teammate standing behind him. His gun was pointed at the place that had been occupied by the shooter just moments before. She watched as he holstered his gun and quickly repeated McGee's actions from moments ago, confirming that the shooter was indeed dead. In the next instant both of them where kneeling at McGee's side.

The woman pulled out her phone and was calling for paramedics while her partner attempted to stop the bleeding by putting pressure on the wounds. "Come on McGee, hold on," she said desperately. "You're going to be fine."

"Not this time," McGee replied tiredly. "Hey DiNozzo," he said smiling a little. His two teammates looked at each other in confusion and horror.

"Boss, I'm not DiNozzo," the man said attempting to hide the tremor in his voice.

"Ya think, Dawson?" McGee responded, his voice weakening. "I always thought it might be you or Abby," McGee whispered, his focus once more behind his two teammates. "It sure is good to see you, man." Seeing the increasingly panicked looks on his team's face, he turned his attention back to them. "Tony's here," he paused coughing harshly. "He's here, you just can't see him," he paused as another cough racked his body. "Becks," he said weakly, "you alright?"

"I'm fine, thanks to you," the young woman said, taking his hand in hers. "You just have to hold on a little longer Boss, the medics are on the way," she said attempting a small smile. It vanished though and tears rolled down her cheeks as another cough ripped through his body.

"Don't cry Becks," he wheezed. "I finally get to be with my family again." He was struggling for air now. "Take care of them Brian," he said looking at the man once more. "Take care of Becks and Zach. And tell," he was fighting for each breath, "tell Sarah I love her and Jimmy I'm finally home again." He struggled for one more breath before adding, "Team's yours now Brian."

Becky let out the sob she had been holding back as she felt his hand go limp in hers. She looked at her partner as he closed his eyes and a couple tears made their way down his cheeks. When he opened his eyes they betrayed the pain he was feeling. He reached out and put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her to him. As she buried her face in his shoulder and cried, he took a deep breath before reaching into his pocket and pulling out his cell phone to make the phone call he had hoped he would never have to make. He took another deep breath as he listened to the phone ringing hoping to steady his voice. When the voice at the other end answered however, he knew there was no point.

"Yeah, Jim? I..." He took a shuttering breath. "We need you here."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: There will be mention of Tiva in this story, however that will not be the main focus. I normally am not a huge fan of ships in stories, just because I love the team as a whole family so much. However, apparently there is something wrong with me because when I was coming up with the plot for this story, my mind went 'oh! what better way to make this even more angsty and tragic then to include that.' Anyway, thats about it. Also, the timeline in this story will jump back and forth, but it should be easy enough to follow. As of right now the plan is to alternate chapters, but if that changes, I'll make sure its obvious.

**18 years ago**

"Wow Tony, I gotta say, I didn't think you'd actually do it," McGee said to his partner as they walked past security at the entrance of NCIS Headquarters.

"Yeah well, we all gotta grow up sometime and settle down," Tony replied.

"No, I meant I didn't think you'd muster up the courage to ask Gibbs," McGee said laughing. Then he frowned. "It means things are going to have to change though. One of you will have to transfer."

"Yeah, I know, but change can be a good thing sometimes."

"I guess," McGee said doubtfully. It wasn't that he wasn't extremely happy for his friends; it was just that they had been a team, a family for an entire decade. They would still be a family, but one of them would no longer be on the team. The idea of losing either one of them to another team, of having to trust his six to someone new, or worse, trusting someone else with one of theirs slightly upset him. But then again, Tony was right. Change was good sometimes he realized. A small smile came to his face as he thought of the changes happening in his own life. "So tonight's the big night then?" McGee asked as they stood waiting for the elevator.

"Yep," said Tony pulling a box out of his pocket. "What do you think?" he asked showing Tim the ring.

"I think its kind of small," Tim said a teasing smile on his face as he stepped on to the elevator.

"Oh shut it McJealous," Tony snapped closing the box and putting back in his pocket as he followed McGee onto the elevator.

"There's the Tony I know," Tim said smiling. "Really Tony, it's beautiful and I know she'll love it. Just promise me one thing," he said putting a hand on his partner's shoulder, "Don't hurt her, I'd hate to have to..."

"Yeah I know, kick my butt," Tony said cutting him off. "You don't have to go all overprotective brother on me."

"Actually, I was going to say I'd hate to have to help Ziva dump your body when she's done with you."

"Watch it," Tony said. "I can still ask Palmer to be my best man." The two agents stared at each other for a moment before they both broke out into wide grins.

"Congratulations Tony," Tim said pulling his friend into a tight hug. "I really am happy for you."

"Am I interrupting?" Ziva asked with a grin on her face as the two men jumped apart from each other, neither having heard the elevator doors open. "Is there something you need to tell me Tony?" She asked, thoroughly enjoying watching her boyfriend and best friend squirm uncomfortably.

"No... No, you see McGee just needed a hug," Tony said, his brain going into overdrive. "You see, he...he just found out the girl he was seeing is another crazy. You know McGee and his women, he just seems to draw all the psychotic ones. Come to think of it, with the possible exception of Maxine, McGee hasn't dated a single normal girl as long as we've known each other." Tony finished grinning at his partner. It didn't matter how much he'd grown up over the years, he would never be able to pass up an opportunity to tease his friend, especially knowing his friend wouldn't betray the real reason for the hug and ruin the surprise.

McGee only glared at his partner for a second, before an evil grin made its way to his face. "What about Abby?" McGee asked innocently, grinning at the goth Tony didn't know was behind him.

Tony let out a bark of laughter before asking in an incredulous voice. "Seriously Tim, that is your comeback? Abby! Come on, it's Abby. She's not..." Tony trailed off as he saw Tim's smile widen. "She's not only the most brilliant woman I know... ahh... one of the most brilliant women I know, she's also one of the most beautiful" Tony said sending a nervous glance at Ziva. "Alright, I give up, she was behind me the entire time, wasn't she?" Tony shifted uncomfortably waiting for the inevitable headslap while McGee simply smiled and nodded.

*_Thwack*_

"Oh come on Abbs, you know how much I love you." Tony said, pleading with the goth as he turned to face her. He was met with arms crossed and a raised eyebrow. A second later he was met with a second headslap. "Ow! What was that one for?" He protested, sounding for all the world like a winey seven year old.

"The first one was for making fun of Timmy. The second one was for me." Abby scolded.

"Besides," Tim began, not able to resist getting his friend in just a little more trouble. "You are the one that introduced me to Susan to begin with," Tim said pulling a name out of thin air, smiling internally at Tony's look of confusion. "I didn't even want to go to the bar last Friday, but you insisted." It took all of Tim's willpower and experience, as a federal agent not burst out laughing at Tony's look of horror.

"Last Friday?" Ziva asked suddenly, turning to Tony with a glare. "I wanted to go to that play last Friday but you told me that we could not go because you had to drive to Delaware to help your old college buddy and his wife move. You moaned and groaned about it all day." Tony stepped back and held his hands up defensively as Ziva took a threatening step toward him.

"No, I... But McGee... But I..." Looking around at the identical glares from Ziva and Abby, and the barely contained smirk from McGee, Tony decided it would be hazardous to his health to try to explain further and made a hasty exit.

Thoroughly satisfied Tim turned to Ziva with a sly grin and said, "You know he really did spend the evening helping his friend move. He actually recruited me to help for part of the night. I just couldn't let that opportunity pass."

"Yes, I know. It has been a good deal of time since Tony as been able to lie to me about anything." Ziva said with a grin of her own. Behind them, Abby simply laughed and shook her head. Tim smiled tenderly at her as she grinned at both him and Ziva, her hand resting on her stomach.

"It's always fun to give Tony a hard time. Well, I might as well get on down to the lab and work on the reports from the case we wrapped up yesterday." Abby said cheerfully before skipping off. Tim and Ziva, meanwhile, both groaned.

"Only Abby could be cheerful about writing reports," Tim said to Ziva who nodded in agreement. The case had been fairly cut and dry, but as with any case, the paperwork always took longer than solving the case. They would be lucky to get it all finished today.

The rest of the day passed in easy camaraderie. As soon as Tim and Ziva returned to the bullpen with big smiles on their faces, Tony knew he had been exonerated, much to his relief. The day was spent finishing up reports, and arguing over how the joint paperwork would be divided once their individual paperwork was done. They spent several minutes arguing over what was a fair division of labor until Gibbs loudly announced that he could always triple the work to make it even at which point Tim had suddenly remember they were late for lunch with Abby and Palmer, and they could figure it out over lunch. The three agents had joined Abby and Palmer for a lunch, with Tony and Ziva grudgingly admitting that they owed Tim for saving them from the threat they knew Gibbs would follow through on without batting an eye. As the day passed, Tony's excitement grew, as did his confidence that tonight would be the perfect night. Tony's only prayer was that Gibbs phone didn't ring with a new case. As the clock grew closer and closer to 1700, Tony found himself on the edge of his seat, so much so that he almost fell out of said seat when Gibbs' phone did ring. Gibbs answered in his usual manner and Tony cringed in anticipation of Gibbs ordering them to gear up. He was momentarily confused however, when McGee began speaking from the desk next to him. That confusion however quickly morphed into annoyance.

"Hey Boss, my phone was giving me trouble earlier, so I just wanted to test it. Thanks for letting me call you." McGee said, grinning widely at Tony.

"Anytime Tim," Gibbs responded his blue eyes glittering in amusement as he watched Tony fight the urge to react not wanting to tip off Ziva. Tony huffed in annoyance before stiffly standing and declaring he needed water. Gibbs and McGee exchanged quick conspirator grins while Ziva worked on completely unaware. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity to Tony, 1700 rolled around, officially taking team Gibbs off of call out duty. There was still paperwork to be completed however, so it was another hour before anyone was close to done. By the time 1830 rolled around however, everyone was finishing up the last of their spellchecks and getting ready to shut down for the night, and Abby, Ducky and Jimmy had joined them in the bullpen.

"Why don't we all go out for dinner?" Tony suggested suddenly, looking around at the team. It had all been arranged earlier, but to keep Ziva from getting suspicious, they all played their parts. Abby jumped enthusiastically at the idea, while Ducky seemed to debate for a moment before stating that it seemed like a wonderful idea. Tim and Jimmy, however, played more reluctant.

"I don't know," Tim replied. "I was kind of looking forward to going home and just relaxing, maybe ordering in."

"Come on McKilljoy," Tony prodded, reverting back to one of his older mcnicknames before looking at Palmer.

"I don't know guys," He answered hesitantly. "Breena and I haven't gotten to spend much time together this week."

"Call your wife and tell her to come with us," Tony argued back knowing full well that Breena was already meeting them at the restaurant.

"I guess I could run it by her" Jimmy finally conceded.

"What about it Boss?" Tony asked as the entire team turned to him expectantly. Staring back at the expectant faces, Gibbs shrugged his shoulders.

"Sure, why not?" he responded and was met with bright smiles and a happy squeal from Abby as she came over to hug him.

As the team began to debate where to eat, even though it had already been decided, Tim looked around and felt a sense of contentment wash over him. Tony was sitting in Ziva's chair at her desk, while she was sitting right next to him on her desk. When they had begun dating, the one ground rule that had been laid was that they kept it out of the office period. It was a rule that they had followed, but it didn't stop them from sitting as close to each other as they could and sending adoring looks at each other when they weren't sending glares. Both were faced toward Gibbs, who was sitting at his desk looking at Ducky and Abby. Abby was sitting on the outer edge of his desk facing Tony and Ziva, while Ducky was standing in the middle. Shaking his head at the pseudo debate which he already knew would result in them ending up at Ziva's favorite restaurant in Georgetown, Tim smiled fondly at his teammates once more. "Well while you guys are figuring it out, I'm going to head to the restroom" he announced turning away.

"I'm going to call Breena and see if she'll meet us there," Jimmy added to the group before following Tim. They both turned around once more and laughed as Tony suggested a pub which was immediately and loudly shot down by both the women. Tim went in to use the restroom while Jimmy remained outside the door to make his call. He was just hanging up when Tim exited, and they both smiled at each other, excited for the night that was in store for their friends. They could hear the voices and laughter as they began walking back when suddenly a low rumbling started. Tim knew what it was instantly and stepped in front of Jimmy and shoved him to the ground just as a loud explosion sounded that was followed by a blast of heat that sent him flying. The last thought that past through Tim's head before he was slammed into the wall and everything went black was that the blast had come from the bullpen.

A/N: And this is clearly why I went "oh crap" during the season finale, aside from the fact that I was extremely worried about the team. At first I was like, "hey, they stole my idea," but the I realized that was irrational. I had just been taking my time with this story because I mean really, I never expected them to blow up the building/bullpen. So, for the sake of this story, we are going to pretend that they managed to disarm the bomb and the explosion never happened ;) Please review.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3:

A/N: For the most part, this is pretty much a filler chapter, and it's very short, but I hope you enjoy it none the less. Also, this will most likely be my last update for several days. I am currently in a different state visiting a friend (the amazing AbbyScuito, go check out her stories) and then this weekend I will be in yet another state getting married (YAY!) Then, I will be coming home and starting my final two classes to get my law enforcement degree over summer. I have a couple more chapters already written, however I am trying not to get too far ahead of myself. So in short, I don't know when the next chapter will come up, but *hint, hint* the more reviews I get the more inspired I might be to update sooner.

**Present**

Stephen Jones looked up from current task when the phone rang. Seeing that his boss was at the desk, he went back to what he was doing.

"Oh dear. I thought you guys were just canvasing the scene. Did you find another body?"

Stephen looked up once more, curious. His boss was now standing up and appeared to fishing for the keys to their vehicle in his desk. Realizing this meant they would be going out, Steven quickly began putting away the cleaning supplies he'd had out, happy to be given a reprieve from the only part of his job he disliked. He had just gathered everything when he heard gasp and a crashing noise. Steven looked up just in time to see his boss collapse back into his chair, deathly pale.

"Dr. Palmer?" Stephen asked, rushing to him. He was still holding the phone to his ear in a death grip, but his arm and whole body appeared to be trembling severely. Steven felt his own heart clench in fear. He had talked to Brian about an hour ago and had known they were headed out to re-canvas the crime scene in their most recent case. That had to mean Dr. Palmer was talking to someone on Agent McGee's team, and something had clearly gone wrong.

"Ok." Dr. Palmer breathed out shakily. "We'll be there soon. Does Zachary know?" he paused, waiting for a response. "No, I think that is probably best." Dr. Palmer hung up the phone and just sat still for several moments, seeming completely unaware of Steven's presence. Finally, Dr. Palmer looked at him through his glasses, and Stephen was horrified to see pain and tears building up in his eyes normally calm and kind eyes.

"There were two suspects at the scene when they arrived," Dr. Palmer said with a shaky voice. "Agent McGee and Agent Stein were cornered by one of the shooters after taking out the other one. Agent McGee," here his voice faltered. "Tim will be taking his final journey back to NCIS with us." The only reason Steven remained standing in that moment was because the wall was right there to support him.

NCIS * NCIS * NCIS * NCIS

By the time Jimmy and Stephen arrived at the warehouse, the scene was swarming with people, all of whom didn't seem know what to do with them selves. The paramedics that had responded to the scene now seemed unsure of whether they should stay or leave. Metro PD had responded as well, and beyond setting up a perimeter, they seemed to be milling around aimlessly. There was no laughter or friendly chatter, or even the usual jurisdictional arguments. There was a heavy, solemn silence that permeated the air. Jimmy saw Brian and Rebecca talking quietly to an officer, one that Jimmy recognized. It was Richard Church, a sergeant and detective they'd crossed paths with before. He was one that they'd always been happy to work with and one of the few people that could bring forth genuine laughter from Tim in the last few years. There was no laughter now though. His face was drawn and serious, mirroring that of Brian's. Brian stood stoically, seeming to have aged ten years since this morning, clearly trying to do his best to fulfill his role as Senior Field Agent, now team leader. He had one protective arm around Rebecca, and it was clear that he was the only thing keeping her upright. Next to him, Rebecca contrasted sharply. Her cheeks were tear stained, her eyes puffy, and she looked impossibly young and fragile. Jimmy shook his head. She was young; next to himself, they all were. She had been 12 years old on that night, the night that had changed everything for him and his family. Realizing he was allowing his mind to take him to a dark place, he shook his head once more.

"It's ok to think of them, you know" came a hauntingly familiar voice from beside him. "I thought of them all the time. Sometimes it was the only thing that kept me going, especially after Tony… I used to tell myself that the only way I could face them, could face Gibbs was to keep putting away the bad guys; to keep doing the job they couldn't anymore."

"And now you're with them," Jimmy was surprised out how harshly it came out. Taking a deep breath, he glanced at the figure next to him. "And I'm still here, alone."

"Not alone Jimmy," Tim replied from beside him. "They're going to need you," he said nodded in Brian and Rebecca's direction. "Becks especially is going to need you," Tim said regretfully.

"Why?" Jimmy asked, his gaze now focused on where he knew his friend had drawn his final breath.

"I think that is a question that will still be asked until the end of time," came Stephen's strained voice, startling Jimmy. "Why is it always the ones the world needs the most that get taken from us too soon." Stephen now stood to his left, holding some of their equipment. Looking to his right, Jimmy was disappointed but not surprised to find that the image of Tim he'd been talking to had vanished.

Taking a deep breath, Jimmy started walking toward Brian and Rebecca. As he came closer he saw that the front and Rebecca's shirt and her hands were covered in blood. Brian's were too. For a split second, Jimmy thought he might be sick. He didn't know if he could do this, if he could bury another friend. Very quickly, he pushed those thoughts aside, knowing that he would otherwise let himself drown in his sorrow. There would be time for that later. He would go home and hold his children close. He would tell them how much he loved them, and then he and Breena would disappear into their room where he would hold her and cry. For now though, he had a job to do and he had a team to take care of.

**Reviews would be an awesome wedding gift! :D :D **(I know I have no shame)


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

A/N: Ok, so originally this chapter wasn't supposed to be posted until next week. However, in light of Brian Dietzen's promotion (IT'S ABOUT DARN TIME!) I posted this chapter in honor of Brian/Jimmy. I tried to do my best to allow Jimmy to shine and show the growth we've seen from him in the last few years, but at the same time, given the circumstances, I allowed him to have a moment to freak out as well.

**18 Years Ago**

Jimmy came back to awareness slowly. He opened his eyes and blinked. 'Where was he?' he wondered. Everything was fuzzy and he realized his glasses weren't on his face. Reaching up to his face, he was confused when his hand came away wet and sticky. Holding his hand in front of his eyes, he realized in horror, that the liquid on his hand was red. 'Why was he bleeding? What happened? What was that ringing in his ears?' As the questions began piling up in his head, panic began to quickly set in. 'Stop!' he commanded himself, trying to pull himself together. Taking a deep breath, Jimmy began to assess himself. He obviously had some sort of laceration on his head, but judging by the fact that the bleeding had already slowed down, it wasn't bad. There was a slight ringing in his ears, but aside from his blurry vision, he was otherwise fine. He was sore, but not in any real pain. The physical assessment out of the way, Jimmy forced himself to keep the panic at bay, and remember what happened. Trying to feel around for his glasses, Jimmy realized there was rubble and debris around him. Suddenly everything rushed into place. The ringing in his ears, his loss of consciousness, the blood on his face; there had been an explosion. He was standing in the hallway just outside of the bathrooms so he could call Breena. He had just hung up when McGee came out of the restrooms and… "McGee!" he called out in horror, his call cut short be a hacking cough. McGee had been with him. Tim had shoved him down and out of the way. Not wasting another second on the ground, Jimmy forced himself upright, desperate to find his friend. Taking a moment to find his balance Jimmy looked around and truly saw the damage for the first time. Even with things blurry, Jimmy felt his heart beat painfully in his chest and his blood run cold as he surveyed the damage. He realized the damage got worse in the direction of the bullpen. He desperately wanted to run to his friends in there, but he needed to find McGee first. Turning around it took him a minute to realize that Tim was partially under a piece of drywall from the roof that had fallen against the wall. Even without his glasses, Jimmy could see the dark stain from where his friend's head had hit the wall before sliding down.

It was with severe trepidation, that Jimmy went to his friend, and with a shaking hand that he reached for his neck to check for a pulse. The moment he felt the steady rhythm beneath his fingers, he felt as if the weight of the world had suddenly been lift off of his chest. It was also in that moment that the tenuous hold he'd had on his panic broke. "Tim! Tim! Come on man, you've got to wake up!" Jimmy pleaded. As gingerly as he could, Jimmy removed the large piece of drywall from the upper half of Tim's body. He desperately wanted to shake his friend and wake him up, but even as the panic and fear threatened to overwhelm, he kept his senses enough to know that if his friend had a spinal injury, even the slightest movement could be devastating. Not able to completely stifle the need to touch him however, Jimmy reached out and gently grasped McGee's upper arm. "Please Tim, just wake up," he begged, gently squeezing his friend's arm.

Suddenly, McGee groaned and moved slightly. Relief washed over Palmer as he watched McGee move his legs, along with the rest of his body, as if he were trying to fight his way to awareness. "Tim, come on. The team needs you." Jimmy said, no longer afraid to shake him. "Please Tim," he begged. Jimmy just needed him to wake up. If Tim woke up somehow, that would make things a little better. "Come on Tim," he tried again. "We have to help everyone, they're trapped." And those were the magic words. Suddenly Tim's eyes snapped open and he took a gasping breath.

"Bomb," Tim said, his eyes darting around before landing on Jimmy. "There was a bomb. It…" Tim's eyes darted in the direction of the bullpen and widened in horror as he pushed himself into a sitting position. "It came from the bullpen." Jimmy had known that, but hearing it said out loud confirmed what he had hoped was only a misguided guess. He didn't even realize he was shaking until he felt McGee's hand on his shoulder. "I know this hard, and I know that you're body is desperately trying to go into shock right now, but I need you to hold it together just a little bit longer," Tim told him, his voice surprisingly steady. When Jimmy looked at him however, his face and eyes betrayed the fear he was trying to hold off. Jimmy nodded and took a couple of deep breaths, trying to find the inner strength that had carried him when he'd first woken up. He focused on the hand that was on his shoulder, using it to ground him. Finally, when he felt like he was in control of himself again, he looked at Tim and nodded. Together, they helped each other stand.

Taking a deep breath, they began carefully making their way toward the bullpen, both terrified of what they might find. Nothing, however, could have prepared them for scene that met them as they rounded the corner. Even from a distance and through the smoky haze that filled the air, Tim knew there was no way that his team, his family would be getting up and walking out on their own, at least not all of them. Beside him, he felt Jimmy gasp and stop short. Knowing every second could be the difference between life and death, Tim gently squeezed Jimmy's shoulder, before gently guiding him forward. After a few more steps, an arm came into view, and Tim pushed back the bile that rose in the back of his throat, knowing instantly it belonged to Ziva.

"No," he whispered to himself. "No." He couldn't do this; he couldn't turn that corner and face the scene in front of him. But he had to; he had to do it for them. Even still, he couldn't help but squeeze his eyes shut as he made the step that brought the devastation into view. It was a childish effort to stave off the bad, if only for a second. When he opened his eyes though, he realized nothing could have prepared him this. Suddenly the world spun again, and he fell to his knees, vaguely aware of Jimmy going down with him. This time he couldn't stop the spasms in his stomach and he barely had time to fall forward to his hands before he was retching on the floor.

A/N: I just have to add once again, how excited I am that Brian has finally been promoted to part of the regular cast. It's something that, in my opinion should have been done a long time ago. So, congratulations to Brian!

PLEASE REVIEW - It keeps me motivated and working faster, which means chapters go up faster.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

A/N: I'm posting this chapter sooner than I originally planned, however to be quite honest, I did it as much for myself as you guys :p The wedding went well, but we only got to spend 24 hours together before he was dropping me off at the airport and driving back to his base. That is military life for you. Anyway, I thought posting this and getting back on track with writing would help distract me. Not only that, but I started my two final classes today and saying that they'll be intense is an understatement, so this will probably be the last weekday post for a while. Over the next six weeks, I have a feeling that the weekend is the only chance I'll have to write and post. I hope you enjoy this chapter, it took on a life of its own once I started writing.

**Present**

Knowing there was nothing that could be done for Tim at the moment, Jimmy focused on the living, on Tim's team. Shoving the horror and the flashbacks that the sight of the blood on their shirts and hands brought firmly to the back of his mind, Jimmy cleared his throat before calling out to Brian in a hoarse voice. At the sound of the M.E.'s voice, both Brian and Rebecca turned to him. While Brian looked slightly relieved, Rebecca seemed to draw even further in on herself, and closer to Brian, almost as if she was trying to make herself disappear. Now that he was closer to them, Jimmy studied them more closely and what he saw reflected in their eyes caused him even more pain. He would have given anything for them to not have to feel this kind of pain. He sent a silent prayer up now that they would be able to move on, as he and Tim and Tony had never been able to.

Reaching out a hand, Jimmy tightly grasped Brian's shoulder, as he remembered Tim doing for him so many times before, over the course of the years. It had always grounded him, reminded him that he wasn't alone. He would never feel that strong grasp again, a thought that caused his arm to tremble slightly, but he didn't remove his arm. He hoped that the gesture would offer the same small comfort to Brian, that it always had to him. He wanted to reach out to Rebecca as well, but something in the way she had shied away from him earlier, stopped him. Instead, he placed a gentle hand on Stephens shoulder, drawing him into the group as well. Sgt. Church, recognizing the team needed a moment of privacy to try to begin processing their loss, moved away from them and allowed his feet to start moving him toward where he knew his friend had fallen.

As he walked over, he allowed his thoughts to wander to the first time he'd met the agent, eleven years ago. He hadn't been a rookie by any means, but he'd been new to D.C. He'd been with LAPD for the ten years before, and a detective for four of those years. He'd loved it in California, loved the weather, loved the department, loved the action, and loved the people he worked with. When he made detective, he'd been nervous about working with a partner; he'd always operated better alone. He and Martin had hit it off immediately however, and they'd quickly become like brothers. That was why when Martin had died in his arms; Richard had fled to D.C. a month after the funeral. He needed a change of scenery, a new department, and people he didn't know. He went back to patrol, back to working alone.

He had been in D.C. for nine months when his path had crossed with McGee's. He was almost at the end of his shift when a call came in of shots fired. As he headed to the scene, more information was broadcast over the radio. Feds were already on the scene, but they needed backup. Intrigued, Richard had pushed down on the gas a little harder and had been the first marked car to the get to the scene.

_As he opened his car door, he was immediately able to hear a muffled, but angry voice. Pulling his gun, he entered the building cautiously, following where he thought the voice was coming from. As he got closer, he relaxed slightly, realizing that what he was hearing was most likely the feds, and it sounded like someone was in trouble. "You are going to stay here and process the scene, Sumner. Then you are going write your report, detailing everything that happened. You are going to leave one report on my desk and you are going to hand deliver a second copy to Director Jameson and hope that he only demotes you and doesn't fire you. Now go back to the car and empty your stuff out, you'll be riding back with Dr. Palmer." Sumner seemed to have enough sense not to say anything in response and Richard listened for several seconds to the sound of footsteps walking away. He used that moment to loudly announce himself, before rounding the corner. Standing next to a body were two agents, an older male, and a female who looked like she couldn't have been an agent for very long. As he came closer, he realized that the lead agent (at least he assumed he was the lead agent) seemed to be holding his shoulder and that the fabric underneath was quickly becoming soaked with blood._

_ "McGee!" The other agent cried as McGee suddenly swayed and started to go down. Realizing the young woman wouldn't be able to catch the fall, Richard ran the last few feet and was able to help ease McGee down. Trying to lay him on the floor as gently as possible, Richard immediately began applying pressure to the wound._

_ "He was shot?" Richard asked incredulously._

_ "Very astute observation," came the voice below him. The comment was clearly meant to be snarky, but the fact that it was slightly slurred made it loose most of its effect. Still, Richard couldn't help but commend the man for trying. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw McGee's other agent lift the corner of her mouth a little, and some of the fear in her eyes lessen slightly._

_ "Yeah, well that's why Metro hired me," he responded, trying to keep the banter up for her sake, as well as to keep McGee alert. "Metro hires only the most proficient." That got a pained chuckle, which was immediately followed but a muttered curse. "I'm Church, I know you're McGee. What's your name?" he asked, turning to the young woman._

_ "Lindsey Beckling," she answered promptly, her voice wavering slightly._

_ "Ok Lindsey, the ambulance and other Metro units should be here shortly. Why don't you go out and make sure they know where to find us. I'm assuming the scene is secure?" he asked._

_ "Yes, this was the only shooter."_

_ "Ok, make sure the other officers know that." He instructed her calmly. She began to walk away before another voice stopped her._

_ "Linds, make sure Jimmy knows that I'm ok. Tell him not to call anyone else before he calls me. And make sure Sumner doesn't open his big mouth." McGee's voice was weak and slurred, but there was a commanding sense about it that carried a greater weight to his instructions. _

_ "But, what…"_

_ "No Lindsey." The command was final. It was clearly an order that was not to be disobeyed. Richard waited until she was around the corner and he could no longer hear her footsteps in the hall that he focused his attention back to the agent below him._

_ "How bad?" he asked, his voice no longer humorous._

_ "It hurts like hell," McGee slurred. "I'm fighting to stay awake." He paused briefly but Richard knew there was more. "No exit wound."_

Richard brought himself back to the present. He guessed there wasn't an exit wound this time either. He hated that the final time he saw his friend was so similar to the first time they met. This time though, the ending wouldn't be happy. Last time he had found a friend, someone who could relate to him and understand. McGee had helped him move on, had helped him be able to let people back in. It was with McGee's help that he eventually made it back to the detective division, and become a sergeant. Looking behind him, he could see Jim, Brian, Rebecca, and Stephen standing together, wordlessly drawing comfort from each other. He knew how rough the next few months were going to be for them, especially for Jim. He knew the story, and he knew Jim would be trying to help these kids cope, while at the same time trying to deal with being the last one of his friends left. Realizing that there was one final thing that he could do for Tim, Richard swore in that moment he would do whatever he could to help Jim get through this, to help him remember that while all the others had moved on, he wasn't alone.

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	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

A/N: This chapter pretty much signals the beginning of my once a week updates, at least for the next 6 weeks. School is pretty much kicking my butt right now, and I have a feeling that just about all my free time will be spent trying to keep up with my classes. Also, just a warning, this is kind of a rough chapter.

**18 Years Ago**

It was with superhuman effort that Tim pulled himself back together enough to recognize that every second could mean the difference between life and death for his friends. On trembling hands and knees, he crawled to the nearest body to him, Ziva. Glancing over her quickly, his hand faltered as he reached out to check her pulse when his gaze landed on the piece of metal sticking out just below her chest. When he found her heartbeat, it did little to soothe him. The rhythm beneath his fingers was way too fast and erratic. Her shallow breaths were also strained, and adding to his fear, wet sounding. Wanting desperately to stay with her, but knowing that the others needed his help as well, Tim smoothed some of her hair back from her forehead in what he hoped was a comforting manner while calling out to Jimmy. When he didn't receive a response, Tim turned around and saw his friend was still on his hands and knees, but was staring ahead in horror. Following his gaze, Tim immediately saw what had frozen his friend. Even through the smoke, debris, and his own slightly blurred vision, McGee could easily see that Dr. Mallard was gone. "Ducky," came his own choked whisper as he took in the sight before him.

Taking a deep breath while simultaneously fighting back the tears that were pricking the back of his eyes, Tim called out to Jimmy once again, louder and with more force this time. Jimmy startled, and turned around, looking completely lost. "Jimmy," McGee said again, his voice shaking. "There isn't anything we can do for him, but Ziva is still alive. I need you to stay with her so I can check the others."

Jimmy simply shook his head and numbly crawled over to them. As he got closer, and took in Ziva's condition, some of his awareness returned. Before he turned to check on the others, Tim reached out and firmly grasped Jimmy's shoulder, hoping to help ground his friend. As Jimmy turned to look at him, Tim met his tear filled eyes. "I'm sorry," Tim said gently. Jimmy simply nodded in response, not trusting his voice. Tim gingerly stood up, beginning to feel the start of pain that he'd initially been in too much shock to even notice. Pushing that aside, he closed his eyes for a second, trying to remember where everyone had been when he and Jimmy had walked out of the bullpen. Tony and Ziva had been together he remembered. Turning around, he realized with horror that the explosion had been powerful enough flip Ziva's desk, and his gut told him that the only logical place for Tony to be was under that desk. Carefully moving around the debris that littered the ground, Tim made his way around the desk and found that his gut had been correct. Falling to his knees by his best friend Tim once again repeated the process of searching for a pulse. He was relieved to find a strong steady pulse. The way Tony had fallen, and the position of the desk on top of him however, still worried Tim, and so it was with a tremendous amount of control that Tim left him as he was, and didn't attempt move the desk, or wake Tony for fear of Tony attempting to move around and cause himself damage. Forcing himself to be satisfied with the strong pulse and steady breathing that he could hear, Tim made his way back to Jimmy and Ziva, informing Jimmy of what he had found.

"Stay with Ziva for right now," he instructed the autopsy assistant. "Just be alert incase Tony wakes up." Once again, Tim pulled himself away from his friends, painfully aware that there were still two people unaccounted for. Straining his ears, he was also painfully aware of the silence. He had hoped by now to start hearing sounds that would signal help was on the way. As Tim continued toward Gibbs desk, he tried to brace himself for what he might find, but knew in his heart that he couldn't. The sight that met him as he rounded the desk however, once more brought him to his knees. Behind Gibbs desk, Gibbs was curled protectively over Abby, and both of them were covered in debris. As carefully and quickly as possible, Tim began shoving aside pieces of drywall, purposefully ignoring the blood that was spattered on many of the pieces. The groan that he heard only made him work faster. "Boss? Abby?" he asked. In response, Gibbs shifted, rolling away from Abby slightly.

"Jimmy!" Tim shouted. "Jimmy, we need you here now!" Turning back to the two below him, a weight lifted off his shoulders as he saw two piercing blue eyes darting around the room before settling back on him. He really wished Abby would open her eyes as well, but the large gash on her head made him realize that she was probably still unconscious. Taking her hand in his, Tim shouted for Jimmy again. If he was aware that her hand was too limp in his, and far too cold, he refused to acknowledge it. At that moment he was also vaguely aware of the sounds of other people in the distance, signaling that help was finally on its way. A moment later, Jimmy was by his side. "They need your help," McGee said turning to Jimmy. Gibbs is awake, but I don't think he's completely aware of what's going on. Abby is still unconscious. You can help them more right now then I can. I'll go back and stay with Ziva; it sounds like a rescue crew is finally making its way toward us. I'm going to ride to the hospital with Ziva because I don't want to have to explain to Tony that we let her ride by herself." Tim said all of this so fast that he was already halfway back to Ziva by the time Jimmy processed it all. As he looked back down at Abby's too still form, and then to Gibbs knowing eyes, Jimmy instantly realized what had just happened. Tim had just gone into a mixture of shock and denial. Taking a deep breath, Jimmy stayed with Agent Gibbs, talking to him quietly about anything and everything just to keep him awake. As he listened to Tim give information and orders to the rescue crew, Jimmy struggled to figure out just how he was going to face his friend at the hospital and make him accept that Abby was dead.

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	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

**A/N: **I am so sorry. Life is beyond hectic for me right now. In addition to insane amounts of homework, I am also trying to orchestrate the twenty million things I need to get done to start preparing for my move in September. Right now I am trying to get all the paperwork in order so that I can officially become a military "dependent." If everything goes right, tomorrow should be the day I get that magic new ID card. Anyway, I won't keep you waiting any longer.

**Present**

Jimmy took a deep breath, doing his best to steady his voice. "We need to pull ourselves together for the next hour and get this scene processed. I'm going ask Sgt. Church to call in their M.E. to get the other two back to NCIS." Here his voice faltered so he took moment before pushing on. "Brian," he said squeezing the younger man's shoulder. "You're going to have to have to let Zachary know that you're going to be a little longer, or he's going to start getting suspicious."

"I'll text him," Brian answered, his voice trembling. "If I call him… the moment he hears my voice…"

"That's probably for the best then. Mr. Jones, why don't you go back to the truck and gather the things we'll need." Stephen nodded at him mutely before turning and leaving. Jimmy turned and looked at Brian, before tilting his head at Rebecca. Brian looked at him for a moment before turning to Rebecca and whispering that he'd be right back before dropping a kiss on the top of her head. For a split second, Rebecca looked like she wanted to follow him, but instead she stayed with her head down, refusing to look at Jimmy. "Rebecca, dear?" he asked gently. When she didn't answer, he reached out and lifted her chin up so that he could see her face. Once he did, he saw that new tears were silently making their way down her cheeks and she still wouldn't look him in the eye. "Have the paramedics checked you out yet?"

That questioned caused her to look at him for a split second before she dropped her eyes back down. "I wasn't hurt." She responded quietly.

"I know, but you are displaying signs of shock." He told her.

"It was my fault," she whispered so quietly he almost missed it. "It was all my fault," she repeated again just as quietly. He tried to step closer to her to hear her better, but she took a step back. The next time she spoke however, he eyes found his. "I'm so sorry Dr. Palmer. I should have been paying more attention. Now you're best friend is dead and its all my fault." She sobbed the last part before turning around and fleeing.

Brian looked up from his phone just in time to see Rebecca run past him. "Becky?" he called out, but she didn't falter, she just kept going. Turning to look at Jimmy, he saw a puzzled expression on the M.E.'s face. "What happened?" he asked.

"I'm not sure," Jimmy answered, staring in the direction the young woman had gone. "She just kept saying it was her fault and then took off before I could say anything." Jimmy turned back to Brian. "Go after her please. She shouldn't be alone right now, I don't want her going in to shock when she's by herself. She needs a friend and she clearly isn't comfortable around me right now." Brian nodded his head and started to take off but Jimmy stopped him. "Brian, I don't know what happened, but I do know that right now you won't be able to convince her that she isn't at fault. Just make sure she knows that I don't blame her, and that I'm worried about her." Jimmy watched the younger man take off before pulling out his own phone and walking toward his friend. He couldn't put it off any longer. Richard was still standing over Tim, so Jimmy came to stand by his side. As he saw his friend for the first time, he couldn't stop the strangled sob that erupted from his lips as he fell to his knees. He was immensely grateful for the hand that rested on his shoulder, helping to ground him.

"I never wanted to be in this position again Rick," he whispered raggedly. "I never wanted to be kneeling over a friend's body where they drew their last breath." He felt Rick squeeze his shoulder as he kneeled down next to him. "I don't understand," Jim continued. "Hadn't we lost enough?" He turned and looked at Richard, allowing the tears in his eyes to fall for the first time since he'd answered the phone in autopsy. "Haven't we given enough?" The two friends kneeled in silence for several minutes, neither really knowing what to say. Finally Richard spoke.

"To us its not fair, especially to you Jim." He paused, trying to find the right words. "But the truth is, I never really saw Tim dying of old age. He kept going, kept existing because that's who he was, but he wasn't really living."

"I know," Jimmy replied. "But that is the difference between you and I. I remember a time, a lifetime ago, when the only ending I saw for Tim was old age." Jimmy paused a moment, trying to collect himself. "I can't even remember the last time I really saw him smile. I haven't seen that old spark in his eye since before Tony." Jimmy's voice trembled. "He lost so much…"

"You both did," Richard countered.

"But I had Breena, and my children. At the end of the day, I still go home to them. I have a life outside of work. Tim didn't." The two men remained in silence for several more minutes before Stephen arrived with equipment. As they stood up, both could hear the sharp intake of breath as he finally saw Tim. Remembering the first time he'd autopsied a colleague, Jimmy took pity on his young assistant. "You don't have to be here for this Stephen," he said gently. Stephen looked at him for a moment, before looking back to Tim.

"Yes I do, Dr. Palmer." He replied. He was still trembling slightly, but there was a fierce determination in his eyes that warmed Jimmy's heart and made him proud.

"Thank you."

"Do you need me to stay?" Richard asked.

"No, thank you Rick. There isn't much to do here anyway. We just need to take him home," Jimmy's voice faltered slightly on the last word. Richard nodded sadly at him, before glancing at their fallen friend one last time.

"Let me know if you need anything," Richard said. He turned his attention to Jimmy again. "Anything at all, you call me, Jim. I know that you are going to need some time alone, and I know that your loss is so much greater than just Tim, but promise you'll call me." Jimmy simply nodded his thanks, not quite trusting himself to speak.

NCIS * NCIS* NCIS

Jimmy and Stephen closed the back doors of their van in silence. "Go ahead and get in the van, Mr. Jones. I'll be along in a minute." Stephen nodded before walking around to the passenger side. Once Jimmy heard the door shut, he took a deep breath and pulled out his phone. He scrolled down his contact list until Sarah's number was highlighted. 'Could he do this?' he asked himself. He didn't want to. Part of him just wanted to take the coward's way out and let the Director call her, but he knew he couldn't. He wouldn't do that to her. He wouldn't let her find this out from a complete stranger. Taking a deep breath, he pushed the call button before he could change his mind.

**A/N: Please review. I was very disheartened last chapter to only get two reviews. I don't need whole paragraphs and essays, but just a few words to let me know how I am doing would be greatly appreciated. It keeps me motivated to still find time to write in all the chaos that is my life right now.**


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

**A/N: **To be completely honest, I wasn't planning on posting this anytime soon. It really isn't so much that I wasn't planning on posting it, as, it was the last thing on my mind. All of Sunday evening, when I normally would be updating, was spent at the emergency vet clinic with my beloved dog, Gucci. Friday evening she started having trouble getting up and walking around. I watched her Saturday, and I was feeling uneasy, but decided I'd take her to the vet Monday, when they opened. Late Sunday afternoon she collapsed in my kitchen. I took her to the emergency clinic thinking she'd had a stroke, but they would give her some medicine and I'd be bringing her home that night or the next day. Instead, after x-rays and blood tests, I was informed she had a tumor on her liver and her spleen, she was anemic, and had blood draining into her stomach. Surgery wasn't and option and to bring her home would just mean pain and suffering for her. I couldn't do that to her, that would have been selfish of me, so I made the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my entire life. She was my best friend for almost 15 years. She was there for every tear and smile from the time I was eight years old. She was there for all my sleepless nights and late night tears after my grandpa and my mom died, for all my frustrated tears after fights with my dad. The crazy thing is, it was just last week that I took her to get her groomed and she was bouncing around like a puppy after, all full of energy and excitement. I wasn't prepared at all, and the truth is I feel a bit lost. My husband is halfway across the country and won't be home for two more months, and for all of his best intentions, my dad doesn't really have a clue. Tomorrow I have to go back to real life, back to classes (and a teacher that wouldn't grant me an extension or partial credit for missing her deadline that passed while I was holding my dog as her heart stopped beating) and I'm not really sure how I'm going to do it. I know to a lot of people who don't have pets, she's just a dog and its not a big deal, but she was my baby. I was so excited to take her across the country with us when we move. I was telling all my friends how excited I was for me, my husband and Gucci to finally be our own little family, and just last week I was telling my husband how excited I was to send out our Christmas cards this year with the three of us, and now the realization that she won't be there for any of that sends me into tears all over again. I honestly thought I had at least another year or two with her.

I've spent the majority of the last 36 hours crying and not being able to sleep, which is what led me here tonight, to posting. Last night I couldn't get my brain to shut off to go to sleep, and all I wanted to do was sleep so that I wouldn't have to think, so I ended up taking medicine that knocked me out for half the day today. Now I'm wide awake, I can't do any homework because the website the school uses is down, and I couldn't lie in bed for another minute staring at the ceiling dwelling on how much my heart aches. I'm so tired of losing those I love; in the last five years I lost my grandpa, my mom, a childhood friend, another family member, and now my Gucci. Each loss tears open new wounds, and rips at the old ones. Anyway, I'm sorry for the long rambling, but I just needed to get it out. Writing has always helped me cope, and in the last five years, with all those I have lost, writing has been a lifeline. That being said, I don't typically air everything out in author's notes, but this is still so fresh, and I still feel so lost, I couldn't help it. For those of you that have sat and read through all of it, I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart, and for those of you that just skimmed and skipped down to the story, I understand that too.

**18 Years Ago**

By the time Jimmy reached the ER, he was exhausted and emotionally overwhelmed. He glanced down at his watch only to discover it was broken. Glancing at a clock on the wall near the entrance, Jimmy was shocked to discover that only an hour had passed since all of them had stood in the bullpen laughing, excited for the night ahead. 'How is that even possible?' he wondered to himself. 'How could so much change so suddenly? How could only one hour seem like an entire lifetime?' Glancing around, he spotted McGee sitting in a waiting room chair, with his head in his hands. A nurse was speaking to him, but it was clear he wasn't hearing her, let alone processing what she was saying. "Tim!" Jimmy called out, hoping to get a reaction out of the agent. The moment Tim's grief stricken eyes met his Jimmy felt his stomach drop. Before Tim could speak however, the nurse was turning to meet Jimmy.

"Sir, are you friends with this man?" Jimmy barely had time to nod as he came to stand beside Tim before she was talking again. "Sir, you have to convince him to have a doctor look at him. We can't force him to seek medical attention right now, but he's showing signs of shock and a definite concussion. He really needs medical attention and we would like to take care of him before the choice is taken out of his hands." Jimmy understood the nurse was just doing her job, but the callous and irritated tone of her voice was more than Jimmy could take.

"I understand that and I will talk to him, but this man has just been in an explosion, an explosion that severely injured and killed our colleagues, our family. His best friend, the man that he sees as an older brother was pinned under a hundred pound desk. The woman he is as close to as a sister had a piece of shrapnel under her ribcage. Do I need to continue, because there were others that are just as close, and not as lucky. We were the first ones on the scene. When we came around that corner, we didn't know what we would find, or if anyone would be alive at all. What he needs most right now is a friend and some patience." Jimmy reprimanded the nurse with a hard glare. She flinched and took a few steps back.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice much softer and her eyes filled with compassion. Jimmy just nodded stiffly before continuing. Part of him felt guilty for lashing out at her, but the other part was just so tired and emotionally drained, he didn't care.

"I'll look after him. I am a medical school graduate and I know the signs. If you really want to help him, though, find out about our friends. Their names are Leroy Jethro Gibbs, Anthony DiNozzo Jr., and Ziva David. Knowing…" Jimmy was cut off as a sudden jolt ran through Tim's body and let out a sob.

"Oh God," he cried, suddenly grabbing Jimmy's arm. "What am I going to do?" He looked at Jimmy pleadingly. "She's gone Jimmy, she's gone. How can I face Tony and tell him that I failed. He trusted me to protect her," as suddenly as the outburst had started, it ended. Jimmy looked at McGee in horror, before shifting his gaze to the nurse.

"Ms. David coded in the ambulance. There…" delivering this kind of news was never easy. Brenda had known this young man and the young woman had been coworkers, but now she could see they were so much more. She felt guilty for not showing more sympathy or patience earlier. It was clear now that she wasn't delivering this news to a coworker, she was delivering it to family. She took a deep breath, forcing herself to continue. "There wasn't anything more they could do. "

Jimmy felt his knees give out and he collapsed into the seat next to Tim. He could feel his friend's shoulders shaking in silent tears. Looking back at the nurse he could see sincere sympathy in her eyes as she struggled with what to do. "Please," he began, but his voice failed him. "Please, any information you can get on the others…" she turned to go, but he stopped her. "Anthony DiNozzo, his lungs were infected about ten years ago and they were left with a lot of scaring as a result. He was treated by a specialist at Bethesda Naval Hospital. His name was Dr. Pitt. Can you make sure whomever is treating him knows that. There was a lot of debris and fine dust at the scene of the explosion…" Jimmy let his voice trail off as the nurse walked away. The two men sat there for several more minutes.

"You didn't ask her to check on Abby," Tim's ragged voice startled Jimmy out of his own thoughts. Unfortunately, he had no idea to answer Tim. He tried to find the right words, but Tim beat him to it. "She's gone isn't she?" Tim asked, he voice devoid of all emotion.

"Tim, I…" This version of McGee scared Jimmy more than the broken one from a few minutes ago.

"It's ok," he whispered, his voice still robotic, cutting Jimmy off. "I knew… I knew the moment I saw her, but I just couldn't…" his voice broke and he stared at his hands, still covered in blood. "I just couldn't deal with it then. I had to make myself believe she was just unconscious, or I would have never been able to let her go to help the others. And then she would have never forgiven me." Tim finally turned to face him, a sad smile on his face. It was another ten minutes before either of them spoke again.

"Tim?" he questioned. He was relieved to see Tim's head turn in his direction. "I need to call Breena, she was supposed to meet us at… she is going to be really worried," Jimmy finished lamely, not able to finish his first sentence. Tim nodded and Jimmy was slightly surprised when Tim answered with a ragged voice.

"Yeah, I need to call the Director. I'm sure he's heard by now, but he won't know the extent of the damage." Jimmy nodded, and both men walked up to the nurses' station. They had just made it to the counter when the emergency room doors opened and there was a rush of activity. For one heart stopping moment, Tim thought that it was Abby, making a grand entrance as only Abby was able. A moment later however, Jimmy's arms were full of a crying blonde woman and Tim brought himself back to reality.

"Breena?" Jimmy questioned. "How…"

"It's all over the news," Breena answered, pulling back just enough to look at Jimmy's face. "I called everyone on the team, but I couldn't get through to anyone, and then Director Vance called me. He said that he was sending a car for me and all he knew was that survivors had been brought here." That was all Breena was able to get out before she buried her face in Jimmy's chest and tried to calm herself down. At the mention of the Director, Tim had looked up to find Director Vance standing a few steps behind, clearly trying to give Jimmy and his wife a little privacy, but at the same time, desperate for an update. Recognizing this, Tim stepped away from the couple and motioned for Vance to follow him to the corner.

"How are you doing Agent McGee?" Vance asked. He wanted to start firing questions off the moment he walked in, but one look at both of the men had immediately made him realize that wouldn't be a good idea. He wasn't dealing with two employees at the moment, he was dealing with two very devastated members of his family. The misery and pain in McGee's green eyes when they found his own brown ones was more than enough of an answer as to how the younger man was doing.

"How much do you already know, Director?"

"I know there was an explosion near the bullpen. I know your team was still there but the rest of that floor was clear. I know there were casualties," Vance found himself tripping over the last word in spite of his attempt to stay collected.

"Ducky and Ab…" Tim faltered for a moment. He couldn't use their nicknames. The only way he was going to get through this report and not completely lose it was to disassociate himself. "Dr. Mallard and Miss Scuito were dead by the time we got to them. Palmer and I were by the restrooms when it went off, so we weren't in the main destruction path. It knocked us out, but I'm not sure for how long, so I don't know if their death's were instantaneous or not." Tim paused for a moment, clearly struggling to remain composed in front of his superior.

"It's alright Tim, take your time." Director Vance instructed the younger man. Tim nodded before taking a deep breath and continuing.

"Agent Gibbs was conscious, although I don't know whether or not he was entirely lucid. Agent DiNozzo was unconscious, but it didn't looked good. He was trapped under a desk and his body was not at a natural angle. Agent David," his voice trembled again. "Ziva was alive when I got to her, but she coded on the way to the hospital and they couldn't get her back. A piece of shrapnel punctured her spleen and they think that a broken rib may have puncture her lungs, but they won't know for sure until the autopsy."

Vance looked away as he tried to process what he'd been told. It was several minutes before he found his voice again. "What about you and Jimmy, have either of you been checked yet?" The blank look he received in return gave his answer. "You two need to be looked at." When it looked like McGee wanted to protest, he cut him off before the words could even form on his lips.

"If you want to be able to help Tony or Gibbs when they wake up, then you need to make sure that you are ok. I can tell just by looking at you that you have a concussion. You won't be any good to either one of them if it gets worse because you went untreated. There is nothing you can do for them at this moment anyway." When Tim still looked unsure, Vance continued. "I will make it a direct order if I have to, Agent McGee."

**A/N:** I know, again, but I promise this is related to the story. I just want to make it clear that I have the upmost respect for nurses. For me, they are right up there with the military, police, and firemen. My mom spent 90% of the last six months of her life in a hospital, and everyone of her nurses were incredible. They made what could have been a horrible experience and time for my mom and my family, as easy and happy as possible, and I will be grateful for them until the day I die. That being said, I needed someone to kind of trigger a little bit of an outlet for Jimmy. I know that not all nurses act with such insensitivity, so if you are a nurse, please do not take offense and please know that I believe most nurses are angels God has sent to watch over the weary and the sick, and their families.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

**A/N: **I want to sincerely thank everyone for your sympathy and encouragment over the last week. I am doing a little better, but I still find myself looking for her everytime I come home and everytime I walk by her spot. Yesterday I was cleaning up my room to start packing and I came across a toy my husband bought her for Christmas last year and it made me cry a little, but I didn't completely lose control like I was.

In regards to the story, I am not sure if my updates will continue weekly. This is the final week of school for me so theoretically, I should be able to update faster, however I am now catching up to the chapters I had already written in advance. Also, I plan to visit my husband next week, and then I am planning to visit the amazing AbbyScuito for a couple of weeks before returning home to start packing and preparing for our move in earnest. I will do my best to continue to update weekly, however if I miss a week or so, you guys know why.

**Present**

Sarah blew out a huff of air in frustration as she stared at her computer. Her deadline was in a week and she still had another three chapters to write. Finally accepting that she wasn't going to get any further today, she closed her laptop and left it on her desk. Going into the kitchen, she poured herself a glass of lemonade before stepping out on to her back porch to watch the sun set over the Pacific Ocean. A couple hundred feet away, she watched her 2 daughters and husband splash each other while trying to dunk each other into each wave that crashed. Sarah smiled at the sight, laughing as she watched the 8 year old and 5 year old double team their father and successfully tackle him into the water. Sarah sighed contently as her hand went to her swollen belly. Little Amy hadn't been planned, but both parents were excited to welcome another little girl into the world in just four months. Sarah's thoughts where brought to a halt by the ringing coming from her pocket. Sighing, she fished out her phone and answered without even glancing at the screen, assuming it was her publisher calling for an update.

"Hello," she answered, barely managing to keep the bite out of her voice.

"Sarah, it's Jim." Sarah's heart skipped a beat. While the two talked on occasion, Jimmy almost never called Sarah, especially not out of the blue. Plus, there was something in his voice. Not wanting to be in open view of her husband or children incase she reacted badly to the news she stepped inside.

"What," her voice caught. "What happened?"

"Tim, he…" Jimmy paused, not sure he could do this.

"Is he alive?" Sarah asked, cutting straight to the point.

"No," Jimmy half whispered. Through the phone, Jimmy could hear a muffled sob. "I don't know all details yet," Jimmy told her, knowing that would be his next question. "I'm at the scene now, we're about to head back to NCIS now. I promise I'll call you as soon as I know anything." Jimmy paused, debating how to phrase his next question. He'd never been a wordsmith like the McGee siblings. "Sarah, there is no eloquent or delicate way to ask you this, and I wish I didn't have to, but where do you want to lay Tim? Do you want me to make arrangements to have him sent to California to be with your parents?"

"No," Sarah said, wiping tears from her eyes. "His home, and his real family are all in D.C. That is where he should be. I want him to be with them. I'll call tomorrow…"Sarah's voice trailed off again as another sob tore through her.

"It's ok Sarah. I'll take care of it, and the funeral arrangements. I just wish I could do more." He listened to her lose the battle to remain composed.

"Th…Thank you Jim. I j…just need to t…take care of a few things h…here, then we'll be there."

"Let us know when you know when your flight will be arriving. Either Breena or I will pick you guys up. I… I haven't told Breena yet, but I'm sure that she'll want you to stay with us. I know it will be a little crowded, but having you close would be nice."

Sarah thanked him once more before hanging up. She cradled the phone with both hands in her lap, and stared at it. Suddenly a torrent of tears rushed forward and she fell to her knees, clutching the phone to her chest. Somehow, she had always known that one day, this call would come. She had spent the last 7 years, ever since he'd lost Tony, waiting for this call, and yet she still wasn't prepared. Tim was her big brother; he was her hero. He had done all the things that her father should have done, but was either too busy to do, or just wasn't there for. Tim had taken care of her, had stayed up late with her when she was little, he had chased away the monsters under her bed and in her closet. When she woke up crying from nightmares, he would just scoot over and open his arms to her stuffed animals and keep her safe until morning. He watched Beauty and the Beast with her and fixed her chocolate milk when their parents were gone. He patiently explained homework to her that she didn't understand. He took her to the movies. He proofread her essays for her, had driven her to all her high school dances. He had been willing to give up his career to protect her, in spite of her snarky, ungrateful attitude. He had been at her college graduation, in the front row with a bouquet of her favorite flowers. Tim had been her biggest fan and best friend.

He had changed after the explosion. He became more distant and closed off from her, but that didn't stop him from being there for her when she needed him. He still had a first edition copy of every single book she had ever had published. He had bought savings bonds for both of her children the days they were born, and every birthday since then. And when he was with them, he did the best he could to push the past aside, for those hours and those moments. It was in those moments that Sarah had seen glimpses of the old Tim. Another sob tore from her throat as she realized that she would never that Tim again, she would never see her big brother again. In her memory she could see him lifting her up and swinging her around, patiently playing the prince to her princess, dancing with her on his feet. Pulling herself up, she stumbled to her bedroom closet, reaching up to the top shelf and pulled down an old shoebox. She walked to her bed and sat in the middle before taking the lid off and dumbing its contents out around her. Dozens of pictures spilled out all around her, pictures of her and her brother starting the day she was born. She lost herself in the memories and wasn't even aware of her husband's presence until his concerned voice penetrated her mind.

"Sarah? Sarah, what's wrong?" Sarah looked up at Andrew, tears still trickling down her face.

"Tim's gone," she whispered as she dissolved into a fresh wave of tears.

**Thank you to everyone who reviews. It really does help keep me motivated when I get stuck, and I always try to make an effort to respond.**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: **Hey everyone, I had someone express confusion as to what exactly was going on and who was alive and who was not, so I just wanted to take a moment to clear that up incase anyone else was confused. I realize with the time jumping each chapter, it is easy to lose track. As of this point in time for this chapter and all of the chapters set in the past, or 18 years ago, Tim, Jimmy, Tony, and Gibbs are all still alive. Abby, Ziva, and Ducky are not. In terms of physical wounds, Tim and Jimmy's are mostly superficial, nothing more severe than Tim's concussion. Tony and Gibbs suffered much more severe wounds, and as of this chapter, they are still alive, but their survival is not guaranteed. For the chapters that are set in the present (or future depending on how you want to look at it) Jimmy is the only one who is still alive as Tim died in the first chapter. As the story progresses, Tony and Gibbs's fates will be revealed, and I am planning on doing less time jumping. I am hoping, depending on how things play out, to go through several chapters back to back that will all be set in the aftermath of the explosion. I hope that cleared everything up, and didn't make anyone even more confused. Also, this is the final chapter of the chapters that I had prewritten, and I have now caught up to myself, so the updates might be a little slower, but I will try very hard to stay on top of them. Anyway, I hope you enjoy.

**18 Years Ago**

When he woke up, there was no confusion as to why he was in a darkened hospital room and no illusions or hopes that it had all just been a bad dream. There was no deep emotional despair or feelings of great loss. There wasn't even any pain. There was absolutely nothing, just emptiness. It was with detached interest that he looked at his hands and observed that while they had been cleaned, he could still see specks of blood around his nail bed. He disconnectedly wondered who's it was; there were so many possibilities. Did it belong to the dead? Did it belong to the woman he loved just as much as he loved Sarah, or was it the blood of the woman who had owned his heart for years? He knew it wasn't Ducky's because he hadn't gone near him. Did it belong to the ones he hoped were still alive but was afraid they weren't? Was the blood on his hands that of his best friend and brother, or did it belong to the man he looked up to more than his own father? Was it all of theirs, he wondered to himself as he moved his hand closer to his face. This movement however alerted the other occupant of the room that he was now awake.

"Tim," a soft voice called out as a small, delicate hand reached for the one he wasn't holding up. Turning in the direction of the voice, he was met with Breena's concerned face. Her eyes were still puffy, and it was clear that she had spent a great deal of time crying, but she seemed to be doing her best to hold herself together at the moment.

"Hey," he rasped out, his voice cracked and dry. He gratefully took a sip of water from the cup she held up to him.

"Do you want me to call a nurse?" Breena asked.

"In a minute," he whispered. "How are you holding up?" he asked her. While she may have not been a part of the family for as long, she had become an important part in the last few years, and he knew this was just as devastating for her.

"I'm not sure," she admitted, her voice trembling slightly. Tim squeezed her hand gently, encouraging her to open up and be honest. It was easier right now to focus on her than on himself. "I was so terrified, and then we got here and you and Jimmy were alright, and I was so grateful. But at the same time, I feel so guilty for being so grateful that Jimmy survived when others didn't. And I don't even think I've begun to process all that we've lost." Breena paused a moment and took a deep breath, relieved to have finally been able to get herself admit that out loud. "What about you?" she asked.

"I don't know," Tim admitted and fell silent. He couldn't even explain what he was feeling to himself, he wasn't about to try to explain it out loud to someone else. She simply nodded at him, and when their eyes met, he could see complete understanding. "Jimmy?" he questioned.

"He's trying to get information on Tony and Gibbs. After Vance sent you back, he sent Jimmy back too and they just gave him a few stitches and ordered him to lie down for a while. He slept for a few hours and then once he woke up they discharged him and we've both been in here since. Jimmy started getting restless though, so he went looking for information about 15 minutes ago." Tim nodded and let silence wash over them once more. He found it strangely comforting, this almost limbo. He knew he should have Breena get a nurse, he knew he should be trying to find out any information he could, but he knew the moment he did any of that, reality would come tumbling down and he would have to face the fact that his life was forever changed and nothing would ever be the same. Even the mere tendrils of that reality creeping into his brain threatened to suffocate him, but he knew he had to force himself forward. As he worked through the flow of emotions that began breaking through, he was grateful for Breena's presence and her grounding touch. She sat beside him, giving him the time and silent support he needed. And when he was ready, he looked her in the eyes and nodded, and she reached over and pushed the call button, never releasing his hand.

The nurse came in quietly, with sympathy and compassion in her eyes. Her voice and hands were gentle as she went about her examination. A few tests and questions and then she was done, stating the doctor would be by soon. As she walked out, Jimmy walked in. He was cleaned up, but the bruises and cuts were more defined, and Tim realized he probably looked about the same. With her free hand, Breena reached out for him, and Jimmy grasped her hand briefly, before opting to go around to her other side, closer to Tim's head. He sat down, placing a gentle hand on Tim's shoulder, and wrapping his other arm around Breena's shoulders.

"Its good to see you awake," Jimmy commented, his voice strained but sincere. Tim nodded, searching his friends face for the information he was too afraid to ask for out loud. Jimmy squeezed his friend's shoulder reassuringly. "They're still alive." He said firmly. "That is all they'll tell me now, but that is more than we had before. It's something for us to hold on to." Tim released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. With that knowledge to soothe some of his more immediate fears, and the comforting weights on his hand and shoulder, he allowed himself to be pulled back under once more.

**Please review. Now that I've caught up to myself, I'm going to need extra motivation to keep going. The more reviews I get, the more likely I am to update more quickly ;)**


	11. Chapter 11

**Special A/N for a particular reviewer: **This is in response to a review I received from a guest. Everyone else can skip this if they wish. First of all, I am glad that you think my story is good. That aside, I would like to address the rest of your review. First off, I try very hard to keep all of my author notes short because I know that people are not clicking on my story to read my ramblings about my personal life or feelings or what not. With the exception of one chapter, I genuinely try to keep my notes to a couple of lines. If the notes annoy you, then please, by all means feel free to skip them. You are not obligated to read them, as they are never vital to understanding what is happening in the story. However, I enjoy taking a couple of sentences to communicate with people reading this story on general things, or to apologize for missing an update, and so forth. Secondly, I do not beg for reviews. I leave a friendly reminder because while I write for "all the right reasons" as you put it, I also draw encouragement, and motivation from not only knowing that people are reading my story, but also from what they think of my story. My life is hectic and chaotic, so it is easy for me to forget to write or update, or to just not work on my story because I'm tired. Reviews give me motivation when I'm tired, or I hit a block. Finally, and the reason I am even taking the time to address your review, I did not "cry" over getting only two reviews. If you had paid attention to what I actually wrote, you would have seen that I said I was "disheartened" which is not crying. I do not take kindly to being called ridiculous and immature. I do not mind constructive criticism. I believe it is essential for every writer to grow. However, I will not tolerate name-calling and accusations that are untrue without calling you out on them. It was not until I reached your final two sentences that I stopped considering your review constructive criticism and felt the need to address your comments and defend myself. If you continue to read my story, then fantastic. Skip the author notes, I won't be offended. If you want to offer constructive criticism, suggestions for improvement, or even plot suggestions, I'm all ears. If not, keep it to yourself or don't read the story at all.

**(normal) A/N: **Hey guys, sorry for the above a/n but I couldn't let that go. However, on that topic, I just want to sincerely thank everyone who reviews. Anyway, I'm happy to report that I've gotten a coupe of chapters written ahead as of right now, so at least for the next couple of weeks I'll still update at least once a week. Also, this chapter totally got away from me and took a completely different direction than I was expecting, so I'm curious to know what you guys think.

**Present**

The moment Special Agent Zachary Aschner laid eyes on his teammates, he knew. He didn't even have to see Rebecca's bloodstained t-shirt to know what happened. He'd been feeling it all morning. He had woken up that morning with a knot in his stomach that he couldn't shake. When the three of them had walked out earlier that morning, it had been all Zach could do to not beg them to stay. He had wanted to go with them so badly, but their victim's wife and daughter were coming in, and he also had a meeting with someone Metro PD's gang unit, so he was forced to stay behind. He called for them to be careful as they walked out of their office. McGee had turned around at looked at him, a look in his eyes that told Zach he had understood. He'd given Zach a reassuring nod and small smile before following Brian and Becky out the door. McGee had told Zach once that he reminded him a little of his boss, the legendary Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs, because of his propensity to make decisions based on his gut. In the three years he had been on McGee's team, Zachary's instincts, or his gut, had never failed the team. It wasn't very often that he would make decisions based on gut feelings, but whenever he did, he was always right. It was for this reason that his teammates never question him when firmly directed a case, or a lead a certain way. The clicking of the door locking back in place echoed throughout their office, leaving Zach with a hollow feeling of foreboding.

Fifteen minutes later, the silence had become too oppressive and the worry in his gut suffocating. Not able to stand it anymore, he rerouted his desk phone to his cell phone before grabbing the file he was working on and taking it down to autopsy. He knew that neither Dr. Palmer nor Steve would mind his presence. The murder had all the earmarks of a gang shooting, something just didn't feel right. From all accounts, their dead Marine had never had any gang affiliation and he had never known anyone in a gang. According to his unit, and everyone they had talked to, Ethan Devore was the model Marine. He was devoted to the Corp, devoted to his men, and a doting husband and father. There was nothing anywhere, not in his records, and not in his contacts to suggest that he had ever crossed paths with a gang or any gang members.

As he talked over his dilemma with Dr. Palmer and Steven, they were able to offer some more observations and information. The shots that had claimed Devore's life had been exact and precise; two to the heart and one to the head. While the scene and other aspects of the murder had been clearly intended to looks as if Devore's demise had been at the hands of a local gang, the shooting pattern did not fit. In his time on the MCRT team, Aschner had worked on several gang related murders, and none were executed with such precision. More often than not the scenes and the victims of gang shootings were riddled with bullets. Upon reviewing the pictures of the scene and the evidence inventory, Zachary's suspicions were confirmed; there were no additional casings and from what he could tell, no additional bullets had been fired. Thanking both occupants of autopsy, he pulled out his phone and headed back to his office. The phone rang twice before it was answered.

"Hey Boss, are you guys at the scene yet?" Zachary questioned.

"We are still about ten minutes out," McGee answered.

"When you get there, can you check to see if there were any more than three shots fired?" Zach questioned.

"Any particular reason?" McGee questioned, curious as to where his youngest agent was going with this.

"I'm not convinced this was a gang shooting," Aschner replied. "Dr. Palmer says that Devore was killed with 3 shots, two the heart and one to the head. All had nearly pinpoint accuracy. Since when has accuracy been the trademark of any gangs?"

"Good catch," McGee replied. "I'll let the others know. We'll look for any other signs of staging."

"Thanks Boss, I'll do some more research on my end; move away from the gang angle we were working or now." As he hung up the phone, the worry in the pit of his stomach once again reappeared, but he tried to push it away, choosing instead to focus on his knew theory. Looking at his watch, Zachery sighed realizing that Devore's family would be here in ten minutes and that his research would have to wait. He quickly returned to his office and sent off a couple of inquiry e-mails before going to the conference room downstairs.

An hour later, Zachary was escorting Mrs. Devore and her daughter out of NCIS, his theory gaining steam. While Mrs. Devore hadn't been able to provide very much specific information into her husband's job, the information she had revealed about their home life and his recent behavior had set the wheels turning. Her husband had been working longer hours, had been called into work on his days off, and had been behaving slightly out of character. It was nothing big or obvious that had concerned her greatly, but it had been little things. She noticed that he had been taking longer more indirect routes whenever they went somewhere, even if it meant adding extra time to their commute. He would always tell her that it was so they would avoid traffic, or that there weren't as many stop lights, or it was a more scenic route. Every night he would go around their house double and sometimes even triple checking locks. When she commented on it, he just smiled and said you can never be too safe. He would screen all of their calls before answering claiming that he didn't want to get stuck on the phone with a telemarketer. At the time, Mrs. Devore hadn't though anything of the small changes in her husband's behavior, but had confided in Zachary that she couldn't help but wonder if it had anything to do with his death. Glancing at his watch, he saw he still had half an hour before his next meeting, so he decided to return to his office.

As Zachary was returning to his team's office, his phone rang causing him to juggle his phone, his access card, and the file he was carrying for a few seconds as he tried to get through the heavy door without spilling the cup of coffee he had grabbed from the break room on his way up.

"Special Agent Aschner," Zach answered, unable to stop a curse from slipping out under his breath as the door bumped his coffee and caused some of the steaming liquid to splash onto his hand. There was an amused chuckle on the other end.

"I'm not interrupting, am I?" asked the amused voice.

"No, sorry. I spilled some very hot coffee," Zachary answered, as he finally was able set everything on his desk and focus on his conversation.

"Oh, one of the hazards in our line of work. This is Detective Romero, from Metro PD. I know I'm a little early, but are you able to meet now?"

"Sure," Zach answered, collecting his things once more from his desk. "Let the guard know you are here to meet me and he'll escort you to our conference room."

When Zachary opened the door to the conference room five minutes later, he was met with an unshaven, scruffy looking man. If he hadn't known any better, he would have called security thinking a local gang member had gotten into the building, not a seasoned investigator.

"Detective Romero," he said walking toward the other man to shake his hand. "I'm Agent Zachary Aschner. Thank you for taking the time out of your schedule to meet with me, I promise I won't take up too much of your time. My team and I are investigating the shooting of United States Marine that seemed to be gang related. I was wondering if you might have heard anything about it, or if the name Devore has ever been mentioned." There was silence for a moment, before the detective finally responded.

"I can't say I have. We have mostly been dealing with the usual violence between rival gangs over turf and drugs, but I haven't heard any of my… associates," he added heavy sarcasm to the word 'associates' before continuing in a normal voice, "mention anything about a Marine."

"So there hasn't been anything unusual, anything at all that could have to do with our Marine's death."

"I really can't think of anything. We've been monitoring things very closely over the last month, and there are several undercover officers in place in the local gangs because we are getting ready for a major bust. As a result we are about as aware as we can be of all the players, all the activity and everything that has taken place during the course of this operation. There has not been anything out of the ordinary, or ordinary that points to any gangs' involvement." He paused for a moment, before continuing. "I may be overstepping my bounds here but, but I couldn't help but notice you choice of wording. The murdered _seemed_ to be gang related?" he questioned, putting emphasis on the word seemed.

Zach thought of his response carefully before answering. "There have been recent developments that are leading us to explore other avenues of this investigation." Seeing Detective Romero's raised eyebrow and smirk, Zach couldn't help but let out a small chuckle.

"It's starting to look like the scene might have been staged, but we still aren't ruling out gang activity completely. This man served his country with honor, and we want to make sure that whoever is responsible, gang member or not, is brought to justice. We owe him and his family that much," Zach finished resolutely as he stood, signaling the end of the interview.

Detective Romero stood, and reached for Zach's hand. "I wish I had more information to help you. If anything does come to light during our investigation, I will make sure that it is passed along to you."

"Thank you, and the best of luck on your operation," Zachary replied. The two walked in companionable silence to the main entrance of the building, where they parted. Zachary checked his watch as began heading back to his office, and was saw another hour had passed. Pulling out his phone, Zachary started to dial his boss's number once more with an update, but decided against it. It really wasn't any more information then what they were already starting to suspect, and a phone call would only delay them at the scene. Closing his phone and putting it away, Zach returned to his office once more resolving to have more information for his team when they returned. If this wasn't a gang related murder as they had originally thought, someone had gone to great lengths point their investigation in the wrong direction. It also meant that they were now back to square one of their investigation. He knew from his days as an intelligence analyst for NCIS that it was common for Marines to be attached to other agencies on covert missions, as well as for Marines themselves to run covert operations. Figuring that was as good of a place to start as any, he began firing off e-mails to some of his old coworkers in Intel, and began making phone calls to try to reach Devore's CO. He had just finished scheduling an appointment to meet with Devore's CO for the next day, when another thought occurred to him.

Grabbing his phone and access card once more, Zachary made his way to their forensics lab.

"Hi Yuki," Zachary called as he entered the lab. Yuki Asada looked up from her desk and smiled at her visitor.

"Hey Zach," she said standing up. "You have good timing. I just finished up the report I was working on. What's up?"

"I was wondering, the bullets from the Devore case, have you tried running them through the FBI National Database or Interpol?" Zach questioned.

"No," Yuki answered, heading toward her workstation. "I thought we thought this was a gang thing. Should I have?" She questioned back, turning to look at him.

"Originally, but its starting to look like the scene was staged to throw us off course and I have a theory." Yuki raised an eyebrow at him before typing into her computer.

"Are you going to share, or," she looked around before whispering with a conspiratorial smile, "is it super top secret?" Zach laughed and shook his head.

"Well, according to Dr. Palmer, all three shots were kill shots. Accuracy has never been an M.O. of any street gang that I know of. Not to mention, I just talked to an undercover investigator for Metro P.D. and they have been running some big operation for the last month, and he said there has been absolutely nothing to indicate any of the local gangs had anything to do with this. Also, I talked to the victims wife, and according to her, Devore had been acting slightly paranoid the last month. She didn't think anything of it at the time, but now, she felt it was important and out of the ordinary enough to inform me."

"You're thinking something to do with covert ops, aren't you?" Yuki asked, putting all of his information together.

Zach shrugged his shoulders and nodded. "At the very least, I think it is a place to start. I already put out feelers to intel, and I'm meeting with Devore's CO tomorrow. I could be wrong, but there is nothing else in his personal life that we have been able to find that gives us any other direction. I figure at the very least if we start here, interview his CO and other members of his unit, that either back up my theory, or at the very least hopefully give us somewhere else to go with this investigation."

Yuki nodded in agreement. "Follow your gut. It hasn't failed you yet." Zach nodded, before looking away. His gut was bothering him for reasons that didn't have anything to do with Devore's murder, but he didn't want to bring it up. Yuki was watching him carefully though, and didn't miss the look that flitted over his face briefly. "Something more is bothering you, though, isn't it?"

Zachary sighed. "I just feel like I'm missing something," he admitted, settling for partial truth.

"Well, talk to me. Maybe we can figure something out together," she said, smiling and sat down motioning for him to do the same. "Ashley has two finals today, so she won't be in until much later, if she comes in at all. I wouldn't blame her if she didn't though, I remember how much finals exhausted me," Yuki added as an afterthought, referring to her current intern.

Zach laughed, "Well that makes two of us." Sitting down, the two began brainstorming, going over the current information they had, and throwing out theories. By the end of their session however, they hadn't made much progress. They both were convinced though that this was not gang related. The more they studied the evidence and the facts, the more it looked like a set up. Yuki had also given Zach a few extra ideas of things he could look into. Pulling out his phone, Zach realized that he had missed a text from Brian almost an hour ago saying they were on their way back. Anxious to see them and share his theory, Zach thanked Yuki and rushed out of the lab. He was just reaching the door to his office when Brian and Rebecca turned the corner, and his heart stopped.

One look at their faces and he knew. He didn't need to see the blood on Rebecca's shirt, the devastation on her face, and the tired vacant look on Brian's to know what had happened. Even still, he had to ask. He didn't want to believe, he couldn't.

"Where…" he couldn't get it out. He couldn't ask. Asking would mean they would answer, and they wouldn't lie to him. Their answer would make it true.

"Zach…" Brian started, his voice catching.

"Please just tell me he's at the hospital," Zach all but begged. The tremor that jolted through Rebecca should have been enough, but it wasn't. He wouldn't believe it. "Please…" he whispered.

"He's with Dr. Palmer," Brian said, not able to bring himself to actually tell Zach their boss was dead.

"But Dr. Palmer's just checking him over, right?" Zach asked desperately.

"No, Zach." Brian said, reaching for him. With that single word, all of the worry that had been coiled in Zach's stomach all day came to a head, and he was shoving his way past them for the nearest trashcan.

Brian and Rebecca followed him and watched helplessly as Zach emptied the content of his stomach into the trash. Knowing that there was nothing they could do or say that would make anything better, they each placed a reassuring hand on his back, letting him know they were right there.

**Reviews keep me motivated ;)**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: I've managed to work a little ahead once again, so if I manage to keep up the pace, I am hoping to start posting a little more frequently than once a week. This isn't where I had planned to go with this chapter, but once I started writing it, it felt right, so I went with it. I hope you enjoy. Also, for those of you that have been wondering about Gibbs and Tony, not much longer, I promise.**

**18 Years Ago**

The next time Tim awoke, early morning sunlight was streaming in through his window, casting a light yellow and orange glow around the small room. The brightness of the room seemed to mock him, taunting him with its cheerfulness. It was just the kind of bright morning that would have had Ziva out for an extra long morning run. His heart beat a few times extra heavily and Tim swallowed compulsively, fighting back a few rogue tears.

"Tim?" came a voice from the corner of the room. This time the voice belonged to neither Jimmy nor Breena, but instead Director Vance.

"Sir," Tim responded, finding that he could now sit up.

"I sent Breena and Jimmy home for a few hours with the promise that I would call with any updates," he informed Tim, stepping closer to the bed.

Tim studied the older man's appearance. His clothes were casual and Tim realized that Vance must have been home with his family when he got the call. Studying his face Tim could see the strain of the last 12 hours. The Director's mouth was drawn tight, there were bags under his bloodshot eyes, and he looked as if he had aged ten years.

"How's your head?" Director Vance asked, and Tim was grateful for the specific choice in words. He might have exploded if the Director had asked him how he was, or how he was feeling.

"Better," Tim responded, looking away for a moment before turning back and meeting the Vance's eyes with his own. "I need to know," Tim stated steadily. It wasn't a request.

Leon held McGee's eyes for a second before putting his hands in his pockets and walking toward the window. His gaze remained fixed firmly off into the distance as he began speaking. "The bomb originated in MTAC which was the target. Agent Kelly felt that we had forgotten 9/11 and it was pertinent to prove to everyone that our security measures were not stringent enough. He called it sacrificing the few for the good of the many. The bomb was supposed to go off at 1300, right in the middle of a top secret operation run by SecNav and myself. It was supposed to take out the assessment center, myself, SecNav, a handful of covert operatives and intelligence analysts, and as many special agents as possible." When the Director turned and looked at McGee, McGee wasn't at all surprised to see the haunted look or the tears pooled in his eyes. "I received an e-mailed confession an hour ago that was preset to automatically send at 0500." Leon turned back to the window. "It seems Agent Kelly had intended to die in the explosion. We sent agents to his residence as soon as I received the e-mail. It appears that when the bomb didn't go off as planned, he returned to his apartment and shot himself." Both men remained in silence for several minutes, unable to speak, unable to process the senselessness. Finally, McGee found his voice.

"How many?" he whispered staring hard at his hands. "How many others?"

Vance sighed. "Three agents were in MTAC at the time."

McGee fought to control the tremor in his voice. "Did any of…" he paused trying to get past the lump in his throat. "Could I have saved any of them?" McGee asked, finally looking at Vance.

"No," Leon exclaimed, stepping forcefully back toward the bed. Taking a breath to calm himself, he continued, "No. They were too close to the explosion. Their deaths were instant and painless. I doubt they even had time to realize what was happening." When he still saw the doubt in McGee's eyes, he pushed on. "Tim, listen to me. None of this is your fault. You have to know that. Your immediate concern were those you knew were there, your family. Your actions are why Agent Gibbs and Agent DiNozzo are still alive. Even if you had been able to get to MTAC, they were already gone. It took rescue crews three hours to find a way into MTAC that wouldn't cause the whole building to come crumbling down; there is no way you could have gotten in there. I know there is a huge part of you that is wondering, why me? Why did I survive when others didn't? That is normal. At the same time though, you can't let yourself drown. You are not the only survivor, and you are all going to need each other to get through this." As Tim searched the Director's face, he could see traces of the same emotions he was feeling flickering in the older man's eyes.

There was silence for several minutes as Leon returned to the window, but the next time either one spoke, it was Tim. "Sir?" he asked, getting the other man's attention. "How are you?" Tim asked, genuinely wanting to know. He saw the surprise that flashed across Vance's face and realized that he was probably the first person to inquire as to how the Director was handling everything.

"I…" Leon paused for a moment, searching for the right words. "I honestly don't think I have begun to process it. Right now, it's all still very clinical for me. I…" he stopped again debating if he should continue, if it would be crossing a line.

"Our family, you were," Tim paused before amending his choice of tense, "_are_ a part of it too. We may not have always seen eye to eye, and the start was shaky, but that was a long time ago and you don't have to be the Director in this room." Vance took a deep breath and looked away wondering if he could afford himself a few moments to let go of the control he had so strenuously fought to maintain.

"I haven't allowed myself to stop and think about it," he admitted. "Since I first got the news, it's been one thing after another, and so much to do. I have to keep this agency together and running and if…" he paused to draw in a shaky breath. "If I really stop and process what has happened, if I acknowledge what I have lost as a friend and family member instead of as the Director of a Federal Agency, as the Director of NCIS, I won't be able to hold it together, to continue to be the Director that this agency, that you and Tony and Jethro and Jimmy need me to be, that the families of the victims need me to be." He let a few tears fall for the first time since receiving the news, but was quick to begin regaining the control that he'd so desperately held on to for the last few hours. When he faced his agent once more, the tears had been wiped away, but his eyes were still shiny.

"You've been cleared for release once you fill out the paperwork. I'll send the doctor in on my way out. I'm leaving you in charge here Agent McGee. When Agents Gibbs and DiNozzo begin to wake, they're going to need you. Just keep me posted on their conditions," Leon once again slipped back into Director mode, knowing he had to leave this room and face the destruction again. Still, he was grateful for what his agent, his friend, had offered. Stepping up to the bedside, he laid a hand on the younger man's shoulder. "Thank you, Tim." That was al he had to say, but those simple words conveyed everything. Squeezing the shoulder gently, he took a deep breath, squared his shoulders and walked out of the room. The small relief Tim had offered him had been all that he could allow himself for now. He had an entire agency to comfort, rebuild, and reassure. He had families to call and agents that he needed to make sure were given every honor they deserved. For now, all he could allow himself was that he'd lost good agents, honorable men and women who should have had long careers. But when the dust settled, when the media moved on, and when the agency began to recover, only then would he allow himself to feel the true depth of his loss. Only then would he allow himself to grieve not as the Director of NCIS and their boss, but rather, he would grieve the loss for what it really was, the loss of family.

**Reviews make me smile :)**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: I borrowed a quote from another tv show in this chapter that reveals my inner geek, but I won't lie, I'm going to be super stoked if anyone recognizes it :D As I was writing the scene, I was stuck and all of a sudden it hit me that that would be the perfect line, and well, I just couldn't resist. ALSO - for those of you itching to see Tony and Gibbs' fates, you will finally see a little in the next chapter.**

**side note: I am aware that there is a new promo that has been released for the season premiere, but I have specifically not watched it yet, so if you are so kind as to review, please keep that in mind :)**

Jimmy Palmer sat in his car and debated what to do. He wanted to go home, go to his children and to his wife's arms, but he couldn't. He couldn't face them yet, couldn't face their devastation. Besides, there was still one person that didn't know what had happened yet. Jimmy pulled out his phone and scrolled through his contacts. He highlighted the number before throwing the phone in the passenger seat. He deserved to hear it from Jimmy in person, not over the phone. Starting the car, Jimmy made the drive from headquarters to his former boss's home. It had been a while since they'd last talked, but they had remained friends, and in contact in the years since he had left the agency. You didn't survive something like and not develop a bond. Granted, it wasn't what he'd had with Tim, but Leon had suffered from survivor's guilt just as they had. The bomb had originally been intended to kill him, after all. Thirty minutes later, Jimmy was pulling up in front of Leon Vance's house.

As he walked toward the door, he realized that he probably should have called first, just to make sure that he was home, but it was too late now. He rang the doorbell and was relieved when he heard footsteps approaching the front door. He was even more relieved when it was Vance himself that opened the door, and not Jackie.

"Jimmy!" the former NCIS Director exclaimed with a surprised smile on his face. The smile disappeared seconds later, however, as he took in Jimmy's appearance. "This isn't a social call," he stated, not even bothering to phrase it as a question. He could tell by the look on Jimmy's face what had happened, but he couldn't bring himself to actually say it. Instead he gestured for the man to come in, and led him to the living room where the two men sat down across from one another.

They sat in silence for several minutes, before Jimmy finally found his voice again. "Where's Jackie?" he asked, looking around.

"Helping Kayla move into a new apartment in New York City. She just accepted a job offer at a law firm there." Vance answered. It should have been news that was delivered with the pride and joy of a father, but instead it was just delivered as fact. Even that happy news was not able to overcome the heavy air. Jimmy meanwhile, was relieved. He didn't think he would have been able to handle Jackie's reaction. The two lapsed into silence once more, Jimmy unable to find it in himself to actually speak the words. Finally, Jimmy stood up suddenly, turning away from Vance.

"There was a shooting. Tim's team was ambushed. They killed the shooters, but…" Jimmy stared off into space, before suddenly turning back to the former Director.

"There used to be this old TV show Tim and I watched, years before everything happened. There were only a few episodes, it didn't become really popular until it had been canceled." He turned away again, a small, sad smile adorning his features. "It was pure accident that we discovered we were both fans of it. I don't even remember now who it was, but one of us quoted an obscure line one day at a scene that the other recognized… After the bomb, there was one quote in particular, it became almost a rally cry. Whenever one of us was struggling, we'd remind each other of the quote, give each other the strength and courage to keep going, but also remind us we weren't alone, that we had each other." For the first time since arriving, Jimmy turned and looked Leon in the eyes. "When you can't run anymore, you crawl… And when you can't do that, you find someone to carry you." Jimmy looked down, blinking away a few tears before looking up once more to meet Vance's eyes. "We carried him home today."

Vance just stared up at the younger man at a complete loss for words. He'd known this was coming. He'd known the moment he opened his front door and gotten a good look at Jimmy that was why he was here. It was more than that. If he were honest with himself, he'd expected this visit a lot sooner. Still, it was hard to accept.

Moving on after the explosion hadn't been easy, but Tim had been a huge part of making it possible. He still remembered that first morning, after the explosion. The strength and comfort Tim had offered him just for the few moments, even while he was hurting so tremendously himself. He'd never forgotten that. Aside from his wife, Tim had been the only person that day to ask him how he was doing. Unable to say anything, Leon continued to sit in silence, studying Jimmy. He could tell that Jimmy had yet to even try to process the loss and that the younger man was still in a bit of shock. He also realized that right now, there was only one person that could help Jimmy right now.

"Have you been home yet?" Leon finally asked, finding his voice. Jimmy shook his head.

"I came here from HQ after we wrapped the case. I was going to call you, but I couldn't tell you over the phone," Jimmy explained, sitting down once more. His agitation had left, and suddenly he was exhausted. "I…" he started before letting out a heavy sigh. "I'm afraid to go home and face Breena. I don't know how I'm going to tell her and…" he broke off momentarily, embarrassed to admit the next part, but knowing that Leon would understand. "And if I tell her, then that will make it real, and I don't know if I can handle that." Jimmy confessed, looking at his hands as he played with his wedding ring.

Vance just grunted in agreement, sensing that there was still more Jimmy needed to get off his chest. "They were just supposed to be canvassing a scene…" Jimmy revealed bitterly. "We thought the murder was gang-related, but the scene was staged." Jimmy stood up, once more in agitation. "Assassins Leon!" he suddenly exclaimed bitterly. He flushed a little at his outburst, but continued. "It turned out our victim had been attached to a CIA team running covert ops in South America. There were four members; two were dirty. Our victim and the other agent figured it out. They worked together in secret to bring down the other two agents. They needed proof before they could go to their superiors. The other CIA agent was murdered a month ago. It was made to look like suicide." Jimmy paused, shaking his head.

"McGee took one of the shooters down, then he was shot by the other, and McGee's senior field agent killed that shooter. As soon as we got back to NCIS, the CIA was there, trying to clean up their mess. Now the case is closed, the CIA is trying to save face and an excellent agent and an even better man is gone." Then suddenly Jimmy was out of steam again and collapsing to the sofa.

The two men sat in silence for several minutes, each trying to process what had happened. Finally Vance took a deep breath before standing up and holding his hand out to Jimmy. "You need to go home to your wife," he told the younger man gently, but firmly. "The longer you put it off, the harder its going to be." Taking in the younger man's bloodshot eyes, and the slight trembling of his body as he stood, Vance put hand on Jimmy's shoulder. "Come on," he said, guiding the medical examiner toward the door. "I'm going to drive you." It was a testament to just how devastated Jimmy was, that he didn't even argue. The fifteen-minute ride to the younger man's house was made in silence, each man lost in his own thoughts. When Vance pulled Jimmy's car into his driveway and parked it, Jimmy made no effort to get out. He simply stared toward the front door with trepidation. "Come on," Vance said quietly, "I'll walk with you."

Jimmy fumbled with his keys for a few seconds at the front door before taking a deep breath and opening it. He could hear Breena moving around in the kitchen, and then suddenly her footsteps were moving toward them and she was turning the corner. "Jimmy," she called, a smile on her face. "I was starting to… Leon!" she exclaimed happily, catching sight of the other man behind her husband. "What are you…" and then for the first time she noticed the look on her husband's face. It was mirrored by the look on Vance's face. She stopped waking toward them, her eyes wide and scared as she looked back and forth between the two of them. "What's wrong?" she asked shakily.

"Tim," Jimmy's voice broke and he looked away as a couple of rebellious tears escaped his eyes. Taking a deep breath, Jimmy finally said out loud what he had so carefully avoided saying all day. "Tim's dead." And with those words, the dam that had kept him from falling apart all day crumbled and the torrent of tears began for real. Breena gasped, a hand coming to her mouth for a split second before she was reaching for her husband, needing to hold him and be held by him. She couldn't stop her own tears as she buried her face in her husbands shoulder and cried with him. It was a few minutes before either of their tears slowed, but Breena was able to pull away enough to guide them, and Vance to the living room where they all sat.

"How?" she whispered, not wanting to know but needing to at the same time. As she listened to the events that had taken place that day, sitting in their living room with her husband's former boss, Breena couldn't help but feel as if she'd been transported back to that horrible night 18 years ago.

**Please review, especially if you recognize the quote ;)**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: This chapter begins to deal with the more medical side of things. I am not a doctor therefor I quite honestly have no idea if the stuff I wrote was accurate. I did my best to research the things I mention in the story, so really its a combination of what I looked up and my own additions so I apologize in advance for any discrepancies. ALSO - it is possible this could be my last update for a while. My husband graduates tech school on Thursday, so in theory, he should be home Friday, in which case I probably won't even open my computer, let alone come on . However, he has not received his orders yet, and he can't come home until he gets his orders, so until he gets them, it's really anyone's guess as to when he'll be home. I will do my best to try to update within a reasonable amount of time, though. **

Tim was so happy to be released from the hospital so he could go see Gibbs and Tony for himself, that it wasn't until the doctor was walking out of the room that he realized he only had the clothes he'd come in with to change back into. He was about to call the doctor back to see if he could borrow some scrubs when Jimmy walked into the room.

"Hey Tim," Jimmy greeted tiredly. Tim was inclined to think that his friend had not slept at all. "I brought you some clothes. I figured you wouldn't want…" Jimmy trailed off for a moment. "I figured you would want something fresh." He said, handing Tim the clothes. "I used the spare key you gave me. I also fed Jethro and let him out."

"Thank you," Tim said sincerely, feeling a bit guilty. Jethro hadn't even crossed his mind. At the same time, he gave Jimmy a questioning look. "Director Vance told me he sent you home to get some sleep," Tim mentioned.

Jimmy shrugged. "I took Breena home and got about an hour of sleep. It wasn't…" Jimmy blushed slightly and looked away. "It wasn't peaceful sleep and once I woke up there was just no way I'd be able to fall asleep again. So I put on some fresh clothes, swung by your place, got some coffee, and then came here." Jimmy turned back to Tim, his face open and honest. "Here is where I need to be Tim." Tim just nodded in understanding.

"Give me a minute to get dressed and then I'm free. Did you happen to get an extra coffee?" Tim asked. Jimmy held up a second cup and while Tim couldn't quite bring himself to smile, the corner of his mouth twitched and he nodded gratefully. Jimmy stepped out of the room to allow Tim some privacy.

In the room, Tim began the process of getting dressed, and found it to be a bit more taxing then he was expecting. He hadn't really noticed his injuries until he stood and a wave of dizziness hit him at the same time the rest of his body decided to remind him that he had been thrown around a little himself. Taking a deep breath and grabbing the rail of his bed, Tim ignored all of that, his making focus on getting to Gibbs and Tony. He was forced to sit down to put on his socks and jeans, and had just started buttoning up his shirt, when a horrible thought crashed into him.

"Jimmy!" he yelled jumping up too fast. Tim found his body and concussed head unceremoniously disagreeing with his sudden departure from the chair, and before he could stop it, he was crashing to the ground. "Jimmy!" He yelled again, using the chair to balance himself as he stood back up. Jimmy, who had heard the commotion from down the hall, burst into Tim's room and rushed to help him stand.

"Jimmy," Tim said grasping his arms and looking at him wildly. "Tony's lungs, we need to tell th…"

"Wow, easy Tim!" Jimmy said firmly, easing McGee back into the chair. "I took care of that last night, when we got here…" Jimmy trailed off, realizing that McGee probably didn't really remember much of last night. Instantly, the fight and panic went out of McGee.

"Oh right, that nurse," Tim whispered, collapsing against the back of the chair. "I'm sorry," he mumbled, looking down. "I forgot about that."

"It's fine," Jimmy reassured him, rubbing at his eyes under his glasses. "It's… It's been a long night." Tim nodded, looking up at him, and Jimmy was relieved to see that clarity and awareness had returned to Tim's eyes.

"Let me just put on my shoes and we can go." Tim said, wincing as he bent over to tie his shoes. As he stood, he finished buttoning up his shirt, before gratefully taking the cup of coffee Jimmy was holding out to him and taking a drink. The two of them walked out of McGee's hospital room side by side, silently drawing on each other for support. As the reached the end of the hall, Tim fell back a step, letting Jimmy take the lead.

"What is the last thing you heard?" Tim finally found the courage to ask.

"Nothing new since last night other than they are still alive," Jimmy answered. The rest of the trip was silent until they came to the trauma unit. As they came to stand at the front desk, both men unconsciously moved closer together. Jimmy rang the bell and it was a couple of minutes before a nurse appeared.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, not quite looking up as she juggled with a couple of files as she tried to set them down on the desk in front of her and organize them. "We just changed shifts and were getting brought up to speed." She looked up at the two men in front of her and took in their appearance, her smile faltering slightly. "How can I help you?" she asked, having a feeling she knew why they were here.

"Is there any news, or any updates on the conditions of Special Agents Leroy Jethro Gibbs or Anthony DiNozzo?" Jimmy asked tiredly.

Chelsea sighed. When she had arrived at work this morning, she had been brought up to speed on the events of the previous night. Looking at the men in front of her, her heart ached a little. It was clear that they were battle weary, and desperately in need of good news; news she didn't have. "Special Agent DiNozzo was moved to ICU about an hour ago. Special Agent Gibbs is still in recovery. They both made it through their surgeries… That is all I can really tell you. If you can give me another ten minutes, I'll get their doctors to come talk to you." She looked at them once more, her eyes full of sympathy, before rushing back through the doors. Jimmy and Tim exchanged looks before sitting in seats in the back corner of the room, away from everyone else. They had both read between the lines.

"She didn't want to tell us everything." Tim said quietly at last.

Jimmy wanted to disagree, remain positive, but he was just too tired. "She knew more than she told us."

"I could hear the silent 'but' after she told us they made it through their surgeries just as loudly and clearly as if she had yelled it," Tim said miserably. Jimmy had no way of responding so they spend the remainder of the time sitting in silence. Both looked up anxiously each time the trauma doors opened, only to deflate each time it wasn't who they were waiting for. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, a doctor came out and looked around before spotting them and heading over. Neither man could stand up fast enough, and Jimmy had to place a steadying hand on McGee's elbow as another wave of dizziness swept through him from the sudden change in height.

"Are you both here for Agent DiNozzo?" the doctor asked approaching them. When they both nodded, he held out his hand in front of him to shake theirs. "I'm Doctor Wade."

"I'm Tim, he's Jimmy." Tim responded, wanting to get past the introductions and onto the information.

"I know you are also waiting for news on Agent Gibbs as well. My colleague Dr. Wu will be out in a few moments. She just had a few things to finish up first. Why don't we sit, and I'll start with Agent DiNozzo." All three men sat, but Jimmy and Tim remained silent, anxious for the doctor to continue.

"Unfortunately, in terms of the long term effects, and severity of his injuries, there is not a whole lot that I can tell you decisively. Agent DiNozzo suffered a minor blow to his head, however nothing to severe. I imagine he won't even have a scar left over from that. Right now, our two main concerns are his spinal cord and his lungs. I understand he was found pinned under a desk." Tim and Jimmy both nodded, unable to speak. "The way the desk landed on him caused severe trauma to his lower back, particularly his spinal chord. Typically, with injuries like this, regaining full function to the areas below the injury is rare." He paused for a moment, letting the news sink in.

"So you are saying that Tony could be paralyzed?" Tim finally asked.

"I'm afraid at this point, it is impossible to know for sure. I just want you to be aware of the possibility."

"How bad is the swelling?" Jimmy asked. He had been afraid of this from the moment he'd seen Tony back in the squad room. The moment he'd laid eyes on him, he'd wished he didn't know exactly how fragile the human body could be. The doctor looked at Jimmy in surprise. "I'm a medical school graduate. I work with the team as the M.E.'s assistant." Jimmy forced himself to ignore the painful jolt in his heart that reminded him that the role of M.E. was now open. The doctor nodded, a look of sympathy passing over his features as he realized that he had probably just confirmed was what the younger man had known all along, but hadn't wanted to acknowledge.

"Bad. That area was already damaged and underwent severe trauma during the explosion; now, the swelling from the initial damage is adding additional pressure. Agent DiNozzo will be given an intense regiment of anti-inflammatory drugs to try to bring the swelling down, but the drugs can only do so much. Unfortunately, with this type of injury, time is really the most determining factor." The doctor paused for a moment to allow the news to sink in.

Tim clenched his fists tight and looked away, fighting to remain in control. "What about his lungs?" he found himself asking hoarsely.

Dr. Wade took a deep breath. "In recent years the medical field has been faced with more and more blast injuries and we've come to identify certain injuries that show up consistently in the survivors. One of these injuries is something we call blast lung. It can be any combination of nerve and tissue damage as well as other effects. Now, in a normal explosion survivor, this is something that we would watch for carefully, making sure the patient's oxygen levels are maintained, watch for symptoms like coughing, wheezing, and other signs. With Agent DiNozzo, however, his case is… well his case is atypical."

"Because of the plague…" Jimmy interrupted.

"Yes," Dr. Wade agreed. "Agent DiNozzo's lungs are already damaged and scarred, so we feel a more aggressive coarse of action has to be taken."

"What does that mean?" Tim asked.

"Agent DiNozzo has been placed in a medically induced coma and put on a respirator to give his lungs a chance to rest and recover and make sure that he gets enough oxygen."

Tim stood up drawing in a harsh breath and turning away from them, his hands once again clenching at his sides. Both the doctor and Jimmy could see his shoulders trembling. "What are his chances Doc?" Tim asked, swiping angrily at the tears that escaped his eyes as he turned back to them. He had to be strong; he had to hold it together. They hadn't even gotten word on Gibbs yet.

The doctor sighed. He really, really hated that question, but it was one he heard every single time he talked to a family, and right now, he didn't doubt that he was talking not to his patient's coworkers, but rather to his family. "The next 72 hours are going to be crucial. While we're worried about spinal damage, the most pressing concern at the moment is any damage to his lungs. Right now, I'd like to tell you that he is doing well, but the biggest danger with blast lung is that the true severity of the damage doesn't usually present until after the first 24 to 48 hours. Agent DiNozzo is young and in shape, but he also has already experienced severe lung damage in the past."

Tim nodded, unable to speak at first. Finally, he found his voice. "Can we see him? After we speak to Agent Gibbs's doctor, can we see both of them?"

"I really can't answer for Agent Gibbs, but I have no problem with you spending time with Agent DiNozzo. I think it might help if you are there to talk to him."

Tim nodded, barely able to find his voice. "Thank you."

At this moment, Dr. Wu decided to make her presence known. She'd been hanging back, not wanting to disrupt Dr. Wade as he went through Agent DiNozzo's injuries, but she almost wished she had left and come back. Compared to her patient, Agent DiNozzo's prognosis was positively hopeful. She had seen the pain it had caused these men and dreaded having to hurt them even further.

**Reviews make me smile :)**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Still no husband :( We're hoping this week but not counting on anything. Ok, just an important little note in regards to the story, this is the last chapter for a while that will be dealing with what is happening in the "present" and the aftermath of Tim's death. **

**Present**

Jimmy tried to sleep that night, but it was elusive and troubled. When he did finally fall asleep, his dreams were filled with explosions and fire and the broken bodies of his family. In his dreams though, they had all died that night, leaving him completely alone. He jerked awake with a gasp, and looked over to see that Breena was still sleeping soundly. Knowing he wouldn't be getting any more sleep, he slid out of the bed and left his room. Along the way he stopped in to check on each of his children, still soundly asleep. Come morning he would have to tell them what had happened, a task he was not looking forward to.

Jimmy made his way down the stairs to his kitchen, where began making himself a cup of coffee. As he stood waiting for the coffee to brew, his mind began wandering down memory lane, but he quickly stopped himself. He couldn't do that now; it hurt too much. Instead he began thinking of the day ahead. The team had been ordered to take the next couple of days off and Jimmy was grateful. Jimmy's thoughts then turned to the team, particularly Rebecca. Not too long after they had arrived back at HQ yesterday, Brian had come down to autopsy to give Jimmy an account of what had happened. Tim had put himself in front of a bullet that was intended for Rebecca; he had died to save her. Suddenly he had understood. Rebecca not only blamed herself, but she was afraid that he would blame her too. Jimmy had tried to talk to her yesterday but she had taken great difficulties to avoid him whenever possible.

"She needs you Jimmy. They all do, but her especially." Jimmy sighed, looking at his friend.

"She needs you Tim," Jimmy retorted.

"Yeah, well that's not possible, now is it?" Tim asked with a smirk.

"Dammit Tim! This isn't funny!" Jimmy exploded rounding on Tim. Tim remained unfazed, though his face became more serious.

"I know Jimmy, I'm sorry," he answered. "But Rebecca does need you. She needs to know that no one blames her, not you nor me. She is an incredible agent and she has hundreds more lives to save before she hangs it up. I need you to make sure this doesn't ruin her."

Jimmy sighed. "She won't even be in the same room as me, Tim."

"And since when have you not been able to overcome a minor obstacle like that?" Tim asked giving him a hard look.

Jimmy looked away. When he looked back to respond, Tim was no longer there and Jimmy closed his eyes in frustration. Suddenly a beep sounded through the kitchen startling him, and he realized that it was his coffee. Jimmy poured himself a cup before going into his office. He sat behind his desk for several minutes, lost in his thoughts. This time, when memories from so long ago burst into his mind, he didn't fight them. Instead he stood up wearily and headed to the bookcase. He moved a few books around on the top shelf and pulled down a photo album and an old box. Taking them back to his desk, he starts with the album first.

After they had gotten married, Breena had gone through a scrapbooking phase and made him a scrapbook of his NCIS family. She'd given it to him one month before the explosion. Displayed playfully on the pages throughout the book were photos of his family before it had been shattered. She had gotten photos from everyone to use for this book, and there were so many photos that Jimmy hadn't even known existed until she'd given him this book. There were photos from the office and from them in the field. There were photos of times they'd gotten together outside of work, just for fun. There were photos of Tony and Tim wrestling, photos of Ziva threatening Tony, photos of Abby and Tim working intently in the lab, photos of him and Ducky in autopsy, there were even some photos of Gibbs that had captured his rare smiles. Jimmy's favorite photo though was one of Ducky telling a story while the others were gathered around listening, clearly hanging on his every word. To this day Jimmy still didn't know who had captured that moment, but Jimmy had always suspected Breena had taken that photo herself.

Jimmy was aware of the tears that fell down his face, but he made no move to wipe them away. It had been eighteen years since his family had been whole, but now he was the last one left. Life had moved on, but a part of him had died that night. It had been a long time since he'd grieved for all that was lost that night, but losing Tim had brought it back in spades. Setting the album aside, Jimmy turned to the box, which contained photos that had been taken before and after the explosion. These photos had once had picture frames, and places in his home, but after Tony, that had changed. The first time Tim came to his house after Tony and had seen those pictures, he'd had a complete breakdown. After that, the photos had come down, but Jimmy couldn't part with them so he'd hidden them away in a box. Looking through them, he realized that he hadn't seen any of them since that day seven years ago.

His coffee long forgotten, Jimmy was so lost in memories that he didn't even realize the time until his wife was standing in front of him, with a new cup of coffee and a small, sad smile.

"Breena? What are you doing up?" He asked before looking around and seeing that sunlight was now streaming into the house. "What time is it?" He asked.

"Just a little after seven," she answered, looking down at the photos scattered in front of him. "It's been a long time since I've seen any of these." She commented her voice slightly strained.

It was several moments before she spoke again. "What are we going to tell the kids?" She asked, finally addressing the topic they'd so carefully avoided last night.

"I don't know." Jimmy replied, staring at the photos spread before him. "The truth," he said again after a short silence. Without taking his eyes off the photos, he elaborated. "We tell them that he died a hero and that he finally got to go home to the family in our stories." He paused and looked up at his wife. "We tell them he is finally happy again."

Jimmy and Breena didn't have to wait long to hear the usual morning noises coming from upstairs, and soon enough the family was all together in the living room. Breaking the news to their children was the hardest thing that they had ever done as parents, and the entirety of the morning was spent trying to answer questions they didn't have answers to, and trying to soothe a never ending flow of tears. By the time noon rolled around however, the initial shock had worn off, and all three children retreated to the comforts of their rooms, each to deal with the loss in their own way.

"Will you be ok if I head out for a few hours?" Jimmy asked once they found themselves alone in the living room. "There is something… someone, I need to take care of."

"Rebecca?" Breena asked knowingly. "She's blaming herself, isn't she?" Jimmy nodded.

"I need to get through to her," Jimmy responded. "It's the last thing I can do for Tim." Breena just nodded, reaching out to squeeze her husband's hand.

"I should start getting this place arranged for Sarah and her family…" She trailed off, looking into the distance. "I know I should start the funeral plans, but… I just can't bring myself to face that right now."

"I don't want you to start that alone either. We'll start tonight, after the kids go to bed." Standing up, Jimmy leaned back down to kiss Breena before walking out of the room to get his things together. He sent a text off to Brian. It was several minutes before he got a response, but once he did he grabbed his keys and hit the road. It was a thirty-minute drive from his house to Brian's and when he pulled up out front, he was pleased to see that Rebecca's car was already there.

Jimmy only had to wait a few seconds after knocking before Brian answered the door. They greeted each other with small, sad smiles and briefly enquired after each other. "Thanks for getting her over here. I didn't think she'd respond to me. How is she holding up?" Jimmy quietly asked as the stood in Brian's entryway.

"She's trying to keep up the strong front but the guilt is all over her face." Brian paused and wiped a hand over his face. "I don't know how to get through to her Jim. I tried last night, but… She just shut me out. She's never done that before." Brian paused once more, looking down the hall to where he knew Rebecca and his wife were. "I've already lost my boss. I don't want to loose my partner to this too." Jimmy nodded.

"I'm going to make sure that doesn't happen." He followed Brian down the hallway to the living room, where Rebecca sat talking to Brian's wife, Gina. The moment Rebecca saw him, she flashed a betrayed look to Brian, but didn't say anything.

"Jim!" Gina greeted the medical examiner warmly, standing to give him a hug. "I'm so sorry," she added, her voice faltering slightly. Jimmy simply nodded as he returned her hug.

"I should probably get going," Rebecca tried to excuse herself as she stood, but was quickly blocked.

"I actually came to see you, Becky." Jimmy told her in a voice that left no room for debate. "I have to run an errand, and I want you to come with me." Rebecca stood still for a moment, looking between Brian and Jimmy, before nodding in resignation. She made her way over to Jimmy who placed a gentle guiding hand on her back and steered her toward the doorway. They bid goodbye to the Dawsons, and Jimmy thanked Brian once more before leading Rebecca out to his car.

Once they were both in the car, Jimmy put it in drive and the two spent the next forty minutes driving in silence. Finally, Jimmy turned into a cemetery where he parked the car. He got out without a word, and stood waiting for Rebecca to do the same. As she got out, she spoke to him for the first time since her outburst at the scene yesterday.

"Why are we at a cemetery?" she asked, even more uncomfortable now, then she had been in the car. Jimmy, instead of answering, simply turned and began walking, forcing Rebecca to scramble to keep up. After about five minutes, Jimmy finally came to a stop in front of a grouping of headstones. Rebecca came to stand beside him, and as she began reading the markers, she realized she recognized all the names.

"We were a team, a family for nearly a decade. Longer actually, but we always counted the start of our complete unit as the day Ziva joined. Agent Gibbs and Doctor Mallard went back way longer. So did Abby. By the time Tim and I joined, Agent DiNozzo had been on the team for over two years. We were there for a year and a half before Ziva joined. For ten years we were the best. We had trials and tribulations and losses that almost broke us, but we always prevailed in the end. We were closer and tighter with each other than any of us were with our blood relatives. We became each other's family: sons and daughters, brothers and sisters, fathers… In the chaos of our lives and our job, it was the one thing that was constant, that was there every single day, until one day it wasn't." Jimmy paused, fighting to stay in control and not loose himself to memories. He could feel Rebecca's eyes on him, but his eyes remained fixed on the names of his family in stone.

"That night was the night that was going to change everything, bring our decade long reign as a team to an end. Agent DiNozzo was going to propose to Agent David and while we were excited for them, we also knew that it meant the team would no longer be complete; one of them would have to transfer. Our team would no longer be, but our family would remain." Jimmy let out a bitter laugh. "That night everything changed, just not the way it was supposed to. Not only was our team broken, but our family was shattered."

Here Jimmy paused, before looking at Rebecca. "For years, Tim and I could still see the blood of our family on our hands. Long after every speck had been scrubbed off, we could still see it as clearly as the night it had covered our hands from trying to save them. The doubt and the guilt were constant companions. If only the team hadn't been waiting on us, they would have been out of the building. If only Tim had waited until we got to the restaurant to use the restroom. If only I had suggested we all go down to the cars while I called Breena like I had almost done instead of following Tim to the hallway outside of the restrooms. If only… If only we had gotten to them sooner." Jimmy paused, taking a deep breath to calm himself.

"Becky, there is nothing I can do or say that will take the guilt away. There is nothing anyone can say that will take it away. People are going to tell you that it wasn't your fault that there was nothing you could have done, that Tim was just doing his job, and while all of those things are true, none of it is going to change how you feel. I know because I've been there," Jimmy paused, looking away once more. "I'm still there," he added quietly, turning back to look her directly in the eyes.

"The guilt you feel, no one, not me, not your team, not even some shrink with university degrees, can talk you out of feeling the way you do. Only you are capable of convincing yourself that the guilt rests only with the man that pulled the trigger." Jimmy paused for a few moments, trying to find the right words. "I also realize however, that convincing yourself of that might not be possible right now, or anytime soon. Eventually, the guilt will lessen and fade, but right now, it will just become a part of you. The thing that you have to figure out for yourself though, is how are you going to let the guilt shape you? Are you going to let it defeat you and give up everything that you've worked for? Are you going to let it pull you away from your team, the people that care about you? Or are you going to let it motivate you to keep going, to not let Tim's death be in vain? You are a talented agent Rebecca; Tim saw that from the first time he met you. You have saved so many people, and you have so many more lives to save. That is why Tim did what he did."

Rebecca stood listening to Dr. Palmer, taking in everything he said, and as he talked, she began to feel a weight lifting off of her shoulders. She still felt guilty, but it was such a relief to have someone who wasn't trying to talk her out of it, who wasn't trying to tell her not to feel that way. "That moment, those few seconds… It's like a film reel that is just playing over and over in my head and all I can see is the million things I should have done differently." She looked down for a moment before looking back at him with tears in her eyes.

"I don't know how to get beyond that. I don't know how I can ever trust myself in the field again. I feel…" Her voice caught and her shoulders trembled as her tears began in earnest. "I feel like I'm just as responsible for his death as if I had pulled the trigger myself." She cried out, her whole body shaking as sobs tore through her body.

Jimmy didn't hesitate to close the gap between them, taking her in his arms and holding her while she cried. He was relieved when she didn't pull away, but instead continued to cry into his chest and allowed herself to be comforted. He had no idea how long they stood like that, but eventually her sobs began to subside. "It's ok to feel like that right now," he told her rubbing soothing circles on her back. "It's normal which is why the Director gave us time off." He pulled back from her, but kept an arm around her and motioned to all of the grave markers in front of them.

"This job, being a special agent, it comes with risks, risks that you all knowingly accept. Bad things happen and every agent is faced with the same guilt that you feel to varying degrees. You just have to figure out for yourself if avoiding the possibility of feeling this way again is worth walking away from the possibility of saving lives and getting justice for those that can't get it for themselves." He looked at the names of his family before him once more, his gaze lingering on the empty spot that would be Tim's final resting place in just a few days.

"Tim made a conscious choice Becky. You have to remember that what happened, happened not because you made a mistake, but because Tim made a decision. Now it is up to you to figure out the difference and what it means to you." Becky studied him, and Jimmy could see the gears turning in her head. He nodded his head in the direction that they came. "Why don't you head back to the car, I'll be along in a couple of minutes." Becky nodded before turning around and Jimmy watched her retreating form for a couple of seconds before turning back to the markers in front of him.

"You got through to her," Tim said coming to stand beside him. "If anyone could do it, I knew it would be you."

"It's only because I get what she's going through. It's what you and Tony and I dealt with every single day after the explosion."

"You don't tell stories anymore," Tim commented after a few moments of silence. "You started to for a while, like you were keeping Ducky alive through you and your stories. It's been a really long time since you've told one."

"It was too hard," Jimmy admitted. "After Tony..." Jimmy trailed off realizing that he was once again alone. Taking a deep breath Jimmy glanced at his family's final resting place once more before turning toward his car.


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: Starting with this chapter, I will no longer be skipping back and forth between the timelines. The focus will remain with this timeline until noted otherwise.  
****This chapter almost didn't get posted on schedule because the power cord for my computer snapped, and then before I could replace it, I got stomach bug that knocked me out for 2 days. But now I am recovered, and I bought my new power cord. Now I just need my husband home so my life can get out of this limbo I'm in (I've started playing farmville again, that's should say everything) and I'll be one happy girl.**

Eighteen Years Ago

Tim knew the moment his eyes met Dr. Wu's that the news she had to deliver was going to break him. Over a decade of working with the best: a Marine (no such thing as an ex-Marine) and human lie detector, a former Mossad officer, the most skilled undercover agent to ever walk those orange walls, and once upon a time, a profiler and secret service agent had all had parts in training him. After all those years and training, he could read even the most hardened criminal like a book just by paying a little extra attention to their micro expressions. Right now though, it was a curse and he'd give it all up to be a bumbling probie again if it meant not being able to read all over Dr. Wu's face what he so desperately didn't want to know. He also saw her hesitancy as she searched for how to break the news to them.

"Just tell us, Doc," Tim said in a defeated voice. "You don't have to sugar coat things and I doubt what you are about to tell us is worse than what either of us have built up in our minds over the last 12 hours. If anything, you'll just be confirming what we already know in our hearts and I'd rather just finally have it confirmed then be left wondering."

Dr. Wu nodded, admiring the young man's resolve, even though the devastation that was all over his face was still breaking her heart. It didn't matter that she'd been doing this job for 15 years now, every single time she had to face a loved one with bad news, it still killed her a little each time.

"At this point in time, we have done all we can for Agent Gibbs and honestly, it is impressive that he's made it this far." For a split second she saw a knowing look pass between the two men, and she thought she saw the corners both of their lips quirk upward slightly. She blinked and it was gone, but she had the feeling that she'd missed something akin to an inside joke.

"Most people's first mistake is underestimating Gibbs," Tim murmured quietly. Dr. Wu wasn't sure if it was directed at her, his friend, or himself, so she continued.

"The trauma to his abdominal region is extensive and extremely concerning. We spent hours trying to repair what we could and stop as much of the internal bleeding as we could. We had to remove his right kidney and his spleen. That was as far as we were able to get. He was too weak, and losing to much blood for us to continue operating at this time. The next 24 hours are going to be an uphill battle for him. If he makes it through, then at that point we will take him back down to surgery. His small intestine was severely damaged, so the first sign we get that he is strong enough to go for another round of surgery, we will be going in and removing a section and restructuring. There was significant trauma to his liver as well. Sometimes, the liver stops bleeding on its own, which we are hoping will be the case here, but if it isn't, I'm afraid we'll have to remove the damaged portion of his liver as well." Dr. Wu paused, and watched the news sink in.

"I'm sorry, I know this is all probably very overwhelming. I wish… I wish that I had better news for you." She watched as both men nodded, clearly fighting to keep their composure, neither trusting their voice to give a verbal response. "For right now, lets focus on the next 24 hours. The main concern is making sure we control the bleeding in his stomach, that nothing else crops up, and also make sure no infections set in. Since we had to remove his spleen, he is going to be more susceptible, and that is the last thing he needs right now. If he makes it through these next twenty four hours, we'll go from there."

"He'll make it," Tim said hoarsely. "There isn't a man alive on this planet that is more stubborn than Leroy Jethro Gibbs." Dr. Wu just nodded in response, praying for the sake of these young men before her that they were right.

"Can we see him?" Jimmy asked, speaking for the first time. Dr. Wu nodded once more.

"Once he is situated in a room, yes, you may visit with him. However, I urge you both to go home and get some rest. Between Agents DiNozzo and Gibbs, they are going to need you for weeks to come. You need to pace yourselves."

Tim looked away for a moment before turning back to the doctor. "Our entire family was in that explosion Doctor Wu. Two didn't even make it out of the building and one didn't make it here. I guarantee you that we will rest a whole lot better here, with what remains of our family, than we will at home." Dr Wu nodded, blinking rapidly to chase away the moisture in her eyes.

"I'll see to it that no one chases you away."

"Thank you," the two men said in unison. The relief in their eyes was identical.

NCIS * NCIS * NCIS

Leon Vance sat in his office at home, staring at the personnel files spread out before him. For now he was finally free of meetings and the political duties his job required of him. Tomorrow it would begin all over again, but for right now, in the privacy of his own home, he was allowed to just be a man who had lost family. Vance stared disconnectedly at the files before him, they all told impressive stories of agents and employees, but they left out so much. These files didn't tell the whole story; held none of Dr. Mallard's adventures, contained none of Agent DiNozzo's never ending movie quotes, told nothing of Miss Scuito's unique personality or massive heart.

Leon sighed. What these files did contain was the contact information for the other families of his agents. They spent so much time together both on and off duty, that it was easy to forget that there were other people outside of this agency that cared for them. Anyone who watched Gibbs with his team could easily see the proud parent in him whenever he looked at one of his boys or one of his girls when they weren't looking. Just like anyone who watched Tony and Tim together could easily be fooled into thinking they were brothers that had grown up together. Vance picked up Dr. Mallard's file before placing it gently aside. It broke his heart a little that the old Medical Examiner had no one for him to call, but at the same time he couldn't help but find a miniscule amount of comfort in the fact that it meant one less heart that he would have to break today.

Vance turned to the next two files debating to call first. The father in Vance was enraged that he hadn't heard from Eli David yet. He knew that he and Ziva hadn't communicated in years, but she was still the only child he had left. By now, especially as Director of Mossad, he would have heard about the explosion, and yet, Vance had received no inquiries from the man. Even though it was still early morning in D.C., Israel was seven hours ahead of them. Knowing that he wouldn't be able to hold his temper if he called his Mossad counterpart right now, Vance focused his attention on the other file before him. Taking a deep breath, Vance picked up his phone and dialed the number in front of him. It was only with a labored effort that he was able to control his breathing as he listened to the other end ring twice before it was answered.

"Mr. Scuito, this is Leon Vance, Director of NCIS. I'm…" Vance fought to remain in control. "I'm calling about your sister Abby." Vance knew that he should have kept things professional and used her full given name, but she had always hated to be called Abigail. Each worry filled question coming from the man on the other end ripped at his heart.

"There is no easy or graceful way to tell you this." Vance paused, but he couldn't keep the tremors out of his voice. "There was an attack on our Headquarters last night. Abby…" Vance took a deep breath, forcing out the words he so desperately wished he didn't have to say. "Abby did not survive." Vance clenched the phone tightly and closed his eyes as he listened to the other man fight for control. It wasn't much of a surprise, given Abby's enormous heart, that once her brother manage to compose himself enough to speak again, his first question was about the friends his sister had told him so much about through the years. Vance regretfully informed him of the status of the team. The two remained in silence for a few moments before Vance once again found his voice.

"I am not going to offer you apologies or condolences, because I know that through the phone, coming from a man you have never meant, they mean next to nothing. I would give anything to not have to be making this phone call. I worked with Abby for nearly eight years and she was like no one I had ever met before. Your sister, she lit up this entire agency and her loss is a crushing blow to NCIS as a whole, but I want you to know how much she meant to everyone here, including myself. I was… I was lucky to have known her. I was blessed to be able to call her my friend." Vance paused, his throat closing as fought to get through what he wanted to say. "We will be holding a memorial that will honor Abby, and the others, but if there is anything at all that we can do to help, whether it's with funeral arrangements or transportation or lodging, please don't hesitate to call me." Vance gave his personal cell phone number to her brother before hanging up and setting the phone down in front of him. He stared at the remaining files before him, before putting his face in his hands and allowing himself to truly cry for the first since the explosion happened.

After a couple of minutes, two gentle hands grasped his shoulders, and he turned to see his wife standing behind him, silent tears falling from her own eyes. His hand found one of hers and it was a couple more minutes before either spoke. "That was the hardest thing I've ever had to do." Leon said hoarsely. "How am I supposed to get through the rest?" He asked. "I still have four more families to call and tell that their loved one won't be coming home ever again, and two fathers to call and tell their sons are currently fighting for their lives."

Jackie squeezed his hand before moving so that she was directly in front of him. "You take it one phone call at a time and you allow yourself time to pull yourself back together in between. You do exactly what you just did with Abby's brother. You don't offer them apologies or platitudes, just sincerity. Don't be the director of NCIS, just be the man that would give anything to have his agents, his family safe and whole again." Jackie kissed his forehead before exiting the office. As she left, Vance took a deep breath before pulling the next file. Over the next hour, he worked his way through all of the files and delivered the news to each of the families. It was a fight to get through every single phone call and some took longer for him to recover from than others, but he managed. Calling Tony and Gibbs's father's had been only marginally easier. It was a small relief to not have to tell either that their child was dead, but the phone calls were still difficult, particularly the phone call with Jackson Gibbs. The end result was that both men would be arriving before the end of the day.

Finally, Leon remained with only one file before him. Vance didn't know how he was going to handle this phone call; he supposed it would be largely up to the other man. Vance still wasn't entirely sure that he would be able to keep his temper in check, however he couldn't put the phone call off any longer. Taking a deep breath, he picked up his phone and called Eli David.

**Please Review :)**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: I apologize immensely for my long absence. Once my husband came home all I wanted to do was spend time with him plus there was trying to fit in spending as much time with our friends and family before we moved, plus packing and all sorts of craziness. Then we were on the road for just under a week driving and then we got here and got into our new home and it was tons of unpacking. Plus my husband and I adopted two adorable little kittens our first week here, so we've had our hands full with them. Anyway, short version I apologize for my lengthy delay and I will try my hardest to get back into a regular update schedule.**

**About this chapter: Definitely not my best chapter, however after playing with it for close to a week, I finally decided to just post it. Also, I purposely did not include the phone conversation with Eli David, so it is entirely up to you to decide how that went. I didn't want to add even more drama by making him a complete jerk, but I couldn't bring myself to write him as the caring, worried sick, devastated father either.**

Vance had barely hung up his phone before it was ringing again. He groaned and took a deep breath before answering, half expecting it to either be a politician or the press. He was slightly surprised however, when his secretary's voice sounded on the other end.

"Sir, I know you said to only call you if there was an emergency, but I have Sarah McGee on the other line. She says she's been trying to get through to someone for the last two hours to find out about her brother because she can't reach him. Names haven't been released yet, so I wasn't sure…" Vance interrupted.

"No that's fine, connect her to me. You made the right call." Vance rubbed at his face. It hadn't occurred to him to contact anyone from Tim's family. The only reason he had thought to contact Breena immediately was because he had been privy to the proposal plans the night before, and didn't want her waiting alone at the restaurant expecting the team to show. Even though he knew their phones had been destroyed in the explosions, it hadn't dawned on him that that would mean his family wouldn't be able to reach him. He waited for a few seconds as the call was transferred and braced himself for the force that was Sarah McGee. He had heard stories about the team's first encounter with her, and he'd met her himself a couple of times. He knew what a spitfire she could be so he was fully expecting to be on the receiving end of one of her infamous tongue-lashings. That is why he was so surprised when he was met with a timid and scared voice instead.

"Director Vance?" she asked quietly, her voice thick with tears and worry.

"Sarah, I am so sorry I didn't call you earlier," he apologized sincerely, but was quick to give her the information she was so desperate for. "Your brother is alive. He received a mild concussion and some cuts and bruises, but was discharged from the hospital about an hour ago." He listened as she let out a sigh on the other end.

"His phone was destroyed in the explosion, and with everything else…" Vance paused to swallow the lump in his throat. "I doubt it even occurred to him that you would have seen the explosion on the news and tried to call him."

At her end, Sarah nodded, not realizing Vance couldn't see her. She was so relieved that she couldn't stop the flow of tears that welled up once more. Finally, she calmed herself enough to speak. "Do… Do you know where he is? I'm at his apartment and he hasn't come home yet. Did he go back to work already?" She asked. That would be just like her brother to get released from the hospital and go back to work to help his team catch whoever was responsible.

"My bet is that he is still at the hospital," Vance answered.

"But I thought you said he was discharged?" Sarah asked confused. "He hates hospitals, why would he…" She broke off sharply, realizing the only thing that would keep him there would be someone from the team.

"The entire team was in the bullpen when the bomb went off. Tim and Jimmy where the only ones to walk out of the building under their own steam." On the other side he heard a gasp followed by frenzied movement. "Sarah?" he questioned, unsure of what was going on.

"What hospital is Tim at?" Sarah demanded suddenly regaining some of the tone that he was more familiar with, although he could still her the tremors in her voice. "I need to be with him. He needs me." Vance sighed.

"I can't let you drive like this." Vance told her, standing up and fishing for his keys.

"You don't understand!" Sarah shot back, her voice raising several octaves. "He's always there for me, always! I need to be there for him." She had a million questions she wanted to ask about the team, about their condition, but her main concern was getting to her big brother. "I'll find out. I'll call every hospital in the…"

"Sarah!" Leon cut her off sharply getting her attention. "What Tim needs right now, is his sister in one piece. The last thing he needs is you getting into an accident, which is what will happen if you try to drive in your state of mind. I'll be by to pick you up in fifteen minutes. I need to go to the hospital anyway." The phone was silent for a few moments, silent enough that Vance had to check and make sure she hadn't hung up before she spoke once more in a small voice.

"Thank you."

"I'll see you in fifteen," Vance responded before hanging up. He was halfway to the front door when his wife's voice sounded from behind him.

"You need to get some sleep," Jackie said as she leaned against the wall watching him.

"And I will, when I get back, I promise." Vance assured his wife. "But right now, I need to check on my men, and I need to make sure that I deliver Tim's sister to him safely."

"Which is exactly why I'm driving," Jackie informed him, holding up the keys. Vance reached into his pocket trying to figure out when she'd swiped them. "But the kids…"

"Are with my mom," Jackie told him as she walked past. "I took them last night after you got the call and the news broke. I knew it would be a long couple of days and you wouldn't want them to see you like this." Leon gave her a grateful and loving look as they came to their car. Once they were both in and she had the car started, Jackie continued.

"And what you told Sarah applies to you as well. You shouldn't be driving in this state. You are exhausted and emotionally drained, and what Tim, Jimmy, Gibbs, Tony, Breena, and Sarah all need is for you stay in one piece as well." Vance simply reached for her hand, knowing better than to argue. "You'll have to direct me." Jackie informed him as they turned out of their neighborhood.

NCIS * NCIS * NCIS

By the time Jimmy and Tim found their way back upstairs, Tony had already been settled into his room. As they approached the door, they each glanced at each other in trepidation, each afraid of facing the reality that walking into the room would bring. Each took a deep breath and squared their shoulders drawing strength from each other as they entered Tony's room. In spite of the fact that they had both tried to brace themselves knowing that it would be bad, neither one was really prepared to see their friend so still. The sight before them stopped both of them cold. In an instant Tim found himself being transported back a decade, looking through a big glass barrier into an eerie blue room. Even then Tony hadn't looked as close to death as he did now.

He was brought back to the present by movement next to him and he watched as Jimmy hesitantly approached Tony's bedside. Tim swallowed hard and tried to follow, but found himself rooted to his spot. Taking a deep breath Tim squeezed his eyes shut tightly and forced himself to take a step forward before once more opening his eyes. When he finally reached the side of Tony's bed he looked up at Jimmy on the other side and saw every emotion he was feeling reflected in the other man's eyes.

"I've never seen him so still," Jimmy whispered, his throat constricting tightly. Tim just nodded in agreement, unable to speak. He looked away, but his eyes landed on the respirator that was currently breathing for his friend and he could stop a couple of rogue tears from falling. Even during the most desperate moments of his fight with the plague, Tony hadn't required a machine to breathe for him.

Tim's eyes moved from the respirator that was breathing for his partner to the complicated traction device that was keeping him completely still in an attempt to prevent any further damage to Tony's spine. Tim desperately wanted reach for the older man, to have some small amount of physical contact with him just to reassure himself that he was still with them, still alive for now, but he was afraid of touching him. Finally Tim settled for laying his hand on the bed close enough to Tony's arm that his fingertips were just resting up against Tony's skin. It wasn't nearly enough, but it was all Tim would allow himself for fear of doing any damage.

Neither Tim nor Jimmy had any idea how much time passed as they stood there with their friend; all they knew was that there was suddenly a nurse there informing them that if they wanted to go see Agent Gibbs, he had been settled in his room. Jimmy and Tim looked at each other, both anxious to see their boss, but neither really wanting to leave Tony. Finally it was Tim that spoke.

"Let's go see him," Tim said hoarsely, his eyes returning to Tony's still form. "We'll both go see Gibbs and then we'll take shifts sitting with each of them." Jimmy nodded in agreement and looked at his friend once more before following Tim out of the room.

Gibbs's room was on the other side of the ICU, and when Tim and Jimmy entered, there was a nurse recording his vitals. As she moved to the side, they caught their first glimpse of him and they were met with the sight of their boss just as still as Tony had been. Jimmy moved forward to ask the nurse how he was doing, but as Tim studied Gibbs's face, he once more found himself transported back to a different moment in time for the second time that day. Whereas Tony's face had been relaxed, Tim could see the tightness around Gibbs's eyes and knew his rest was not a happy one. To anyone else, the small details would be missed, but to someone who knew Gibbs like Tim did, it was impossible not to notice. Tim instantly knew where Gibbs was in his mind, and suddenly the world was closing in around him and everything was becoming too much.

As Jimmy inquired about Gibbs's condition, he was relieved to find out that Gibbs was still doing better then they had expected. He had turned with a small smile on his face to Tim, only to have his smile drop. Tim was staring at Gibbs, but was clearly somewhere else. Jimmy's concern only grew as Tim began to hyperventilate, causing Jimmy to reach for him in an attempt to get his attention.

"Tim!" Jimmy exclaimed when Tim started to sway, suddenly fearful that the doctors had missed something and released Tim too soon. "Tim, what's wrong?" Jimmy asked, grabbing hold of both of Tim's shoulders. Their eyes met briefly, and Jimmy's breath was taken away by the sheer devastation in Tim's eyes.

"I… I can't," Tim whispered and bolted out of the room before Jimmy could process what had just happened. Jimmy stood at the empty spot for a moment knowing that his friend probably wanted a moment alone, but also realizing that what Tim wanted and needed at the moment were two different things. With a quick glance back at Gibbs and an apologetic glance at the nurse, Jimmy took off in the same direction as Tim.

It was fifteen minutes before Jimmy finally tracked down Tim. As Jimmy approached Tim's figure sitting on the bench, he realized that he had never seen Tim look so defeated in all the years they'd known each other and been friends. Jimmy sighed as he approached announcing his presence. He sat down on the bench next to Tim and waited for him to talk. It was a couple minutes before Tim started.

"We aren't going to get him back." Jim started slightly and looked at Tim, not quite sure of his meaning. "Gibbs." Tim clarified. "He isn't going to come back to us this time." Jimmy was speechless for a second.

"You can't give up on him like that Tim." Jimmy said, his voice a little shaky. "His doctor and nurse both said that he's already doing better than expected. You of all people should know better than to count him out. You know him."

"You're right!" Tim said standing up and turning to face Jimmy for the first time. Jimmy was taken back by the tear tracks that ran down Tim's face and his red eyes. "I do know him Jimmy!" Tim turned away running a hand over his face. He took a deep breath calming himself down. "I do know him, which is why I know that right now he is enduring the same pain he endured last time he was in an explosion, a pain that has absolutely nothing to do with any physical wounds he received. Right now he is reliving losing Shannon and Kelly all over again." Tim took a long shaky breath before looking Jimmy in the eyes.

"The difference between then and now though, is that when he wakes up, he won't be waking up to the life he rebuilt after them. This time he'll be waking up to find out that he's lost two more daughters, his best friend, and that the man he's thought of as a son for over a decade may or may not wake up, and even if he does, he may never walk again. And that is assuming that he forgets like last time. More than likely he won't have forgotten anything in which case nobody is going to have to tell him he's already lost Abby." Tim turned and walked a few feet away, his eyes looking off in the distant. "Before he had a family to come back to and we barely got him back, but now…" Tim trailed off not really wanting to finish the sentence, but knowing he had to say it out loud. "But now most of his family is waiting for him on the other side with his girls."

Jimmy stared at Tim wanting to protest, but knew it was pointless. Tim was right. "He might come back to us for a little bit wanting to know everyone else's condition, but every minute, every second will be borrowed." Tim's voice had lost its shakiness and was now firm and definite.

Jimmy studied Tim's face and saw the turmoil. Everyone knew that the agents on Gibbs's team were like his children, and they all looked up to him as a father figure, and like most children see their parents, they saw him as invincible. Knowing there was nothing else he could do, Jimmy walked up behind Tim and placed a hand on his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"You're right," Jimmy said, his voice soft. "Every moment we get with him is going to be borrowed." He paused making sure he had Tim's attention. "So we should go take in every moment we can."


End file.
